Does He Love You Or Is It Lust? How To Tell

If you’re struggling to differentiate lust from love, you have dopamine and oxytocin to thank for that. When you can hardly decipher between the two in your own mind, how are you supposed to know what he’s feeling for you? Here are some signs he’s in it for more than just the sex.

  1. He texts you back regularly instead of just hitting you up when he wants to hook up. A guy with one thing on his mind isn’t going to do much texting or calling to hear your voice. You’re only going to hear from him when he has time for a booty call. However, if you’re having genuine conversations via text, there’s hope for more than lust. If he’s texting you first, even better. It means he’s thinking about you while he goes about his day.
  2. You talk about the heavy stuff. If you’re connecting on more than sex or what’s new on Netflix, your relationship has moved up the ladder. Deep conversations equal deep connections. When he’s using you for sex, all your conversations will revolve around small talk and steamy bedroom likes. He doesn’t want pillow talk afterward and he’s surely not going to stay the night after a romp session.
  3. You hang out together outside of the bedroom. This one should be a no-brainer. I’m all for some sexy time and exploring your needs in the bedroom with a consensual partner. That being said, your entire relationship shouldn’t be based just on sexual contact. If he’s only around for sex, his head isn’t quite in the right space for love or a serious relationship. However, if he’s still hanging around after and you’re cuddled up on the couch watching Netflix, he’s feeling you. If you’re meeting up to go out to eat or to go out on the town, you can guarantee the two of you have a deeper connection than just FWB.
  4. He introduces you to his friends or family. When he introduces you to his closest people, he’s definitely falling for you. Whether he realizes it or not, he’s made a big decision to advertise his romantic connection with you. Dinner with the parents is always a giant deal in a romantic relationship. He wants you to get along with his favorite people and he’s showing you off. He wants them to see this special girl that he’s totally digging.
  5. He goes out of his way to see you smile. When you’re upset, he’s going to find a way to make you feel better when he’s head over heels. When you find yourself blue and you text him, he’ll jump into his car and head your way. On the way, he’ll stop at a convenience store to pick up your favorite candy bar or maybe hit up Redbox to pick up the new movie you mentioned that you wanted to see a few weeks back. You get the idea. These all demonstrate a guy that’s in love with a woman. He remembers what you like.
  6. He lets you in on his fears and vulnerability. No matter who you are, being vulnerable is frightening. Thanks to society’s expectations on men, a large chunk of men have a tough time opening up about how they feel. They hide emotions and wear masks of stability even when they’re breaking on the inside. If your guy is opening open to you, he trusts you. Trust is a difficult thing to give up to others. We’ve all been burned by love (or lust!) at least once in our lives. Take his trust and grow together.
  7. He talks about the future and you’re in his plans. Going along with him opening up to you, he’s going to open up about what he wants in the future. When he talks about his future, he’s envisioning you by his side. He’s subconsciously revealing his intentions with you. A guy only hanging out for sex isn’t going to put a ring on your finger.
  8. Your fights end resolved. The intensity of the fights and how they’re resolved can say quite a bit about the relationship between two lovers. Like I said, lust is blind. Lust couples end in a frenzy of fury. He’ll walk away after a fight but if he takes the time to resolve a fight with you, he’s in love. His maturity is showing and he wants to resolve the issue so you can move on with your relationship.
  9. He’s put a label on your relationship. We are a generation of non-labels. Labels scare us. They put us into these tiny boxes and we have little room to grow. But when a millennial is ready to settle down, we’re all in. If he’s introducing you as his girlfriend, he’s got more interest in you than for superficial means. But even if he’s just in with you for a hookup, take a walk on the wild side. Just don’t expect anything serious.
Casey Elizabeth Dennis is a freelance writer and part time poet. She's passionate about mental health and horror movies. You can find her either writing or catching Pokemon in the middle of a cornfield in Iowa.