Does He Really Love You Like He Says He Does? If He Does These 11 Things, No

While you should never stay in a relationship with someone who refuses to tell you that they love you, you also shouldn’t waste your time on someone who says the words but their actions show otherwise. If your partner’s doing these 11 things, then they don’t actually love you.

  1. He expects you to have his love language. If your partner does certain things for you and then expects you to do exactly the same in return, that’s not cool. For instance, he might be all about the grand gestures while you’re not. It doesn’t mean you can’t combine your love languages. Someone who loves you will respect how you show your love is different to how they do.
  2. He only shows you how he feels in private. Does your partner tell you how much he loves you when you’re alone together but then act like he’s just your friend when you’re in public? That’s not cool. He might say he’s just not into PDA and that’s fine, but it’s not an excuse for being super aloof because he doesn’t want others to see you together.
  3. He can’t let you just be. If you’re doing something that really hurts your partner and they tell you to change, that’s one thing. It’s quite another if you feel you can’t be comfortable in your skin around your partner because they’re always judging you. While the most toxic men out there will pretend it’s for your own good, they’re really just bringing you down.
  4. He doesn’t notice things. Look, maybe your boyfriend will never notice when you get a haircut or dye your hair, and that’s okay. But he should be noticing the big things. If you’ve been crying, does he notice or is it like you’re invisible? When you’re just not yourself for a few days, do you have to mention it because he acts like you’ve been the same as usual? Someone who loves you will pick up on your body language.
  5. He moans about every little thing. If you ask him to do something for you like see you for lunch instead of dinner, he’ll moan like he’s a teenager who’s just been asked to do their chores. If it seems like you can’t ask him for any little thing because he’s always focused on doing things for himself, he doesn’t love you because love isn’t selfish.
  6. He ignores you. It’s normal for people to sometimes miss what their partners have said. Maybe they were distracted with a stressful issue or something. But if this seems to happen all the time in your relationship, it’s not cool. A person who loves you will want to focus on you and make you feel heard as well as seen. If you have to repeat things to your partner because they never listen or he keeps cutting you off so you can never express yourself, those are huge red flags.
  7. He doesn’t respect your space. If your partner throws a fit when you need time for yourself, he’s not in love with you — he’s in love with trying to control you. You should never feel like you’re being smothered in your relationship. You’ve got loads of other important things in your life that need your attention, and the right person will encourage them.
  8. He gives you mixed messages. If you’re dating him and he says he loves you but he gives you hot and cold messages, that’s not love. Rather pay attention to his inconsistent behavior than his words.
  9. He makes you feel like you’re not good enough. This can happen in subtle ways in a relationship. You might not realize that you’re giving so much more of yourself to the relationship than he is, and he never even appreciates it. Instead of powering on to try to keep him happy, ask yourself if he’s doing anything to make you happy.
  10. He’s all about his future goals. While it’s healthy to have your own goals and dreams when you’re in a relationship, you and your partner should still feel like you’re working towards something together. If that’s not happening, such as if your partner’s all about “I” instead of “we,” that’s a pretty bad sign.
  11. He can’t say it. Right, you know that his actions mean more than his words, but it’s also good if he can tell you he loves you from time to time. If he’s showing you he loves you but he can’t say the words when you say them, it will feel like something’s off. Is he holding himself back a bit? It sure feels that way, and it’s guaranteed to make you worry that you can’t fully trust him. If he loves you, he should feel confident to say it as well as show it.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.