Does He Really Want You? Not If He’s Not Making The Effort To Pursue You

­­It’s hard to have feelings for someone and not know where you stand with them. Do you stay because of your feelings or do you cut him off because he’s dragging his feet? It’s time to set the record straight on how a guy who really wants you will act. Here are 8 reasons to explain how his lack of effort speaks volumes about his lack of interest.

  1. Men are biologically created to be the ones to take the lead. There was a reason men used to be assigned hunter roles in society. Their entire makeup is designed to seek a target and advance. If he wants you, he’ll camouflage, scout, gear up, mating call, and decoy his way to pulling your heart’s trigger.
  2. They know what they’re doing when they’re being hot and cold. Guys may not always seem that intelligent, but everyone knows how they want to be treated. If a guy likes you, he’s going to wonder what you’re up to and want to hear from you, so why would he not think you’d want the same from him? It definitely doesn’t go over his head when he plays the in and out game and he’s not going to pull stunts if he wants to keep you around.
  3. Even if he wasn’t ready, he would get ready. Your biggest celebrity crush is walking down your block and you’re in the middle of anything…what’s your next move? Like, this could seriously be your only chance ever in life to breathe the same air within a half-mile radius of the object of your starstruck desires. Pretty sure you’re dropping everything instantly and figuring out a way to “casually bump into” that person before he/she gets away. I don’t care what place he’s at in life. If he didn’t think he wanted a relationship but met a woman who swept him off his feet, he’d reconsider it all fast. If you didn’t make him think twice, you didn’t grab his attention like that.
  4. They already did it (or will eventually do it) for someone else. Ever had a guy string you along then immediately pop up in a full-blown public relationship? Or have someone act lame and wishy-washy with you like he doesn’t know how to treat a woman, but then find out he was previously married or in a committed long-term relationship so clearly, he must have some idea? Everything he said about “not being ready” was total BS. He just wasn’t ready for you because he didn’t want you.
  5. It’s not that hard to get in touch with someone. Don’t make excuses for why he hasn’t apologized for his lack of effort and/or mistreating you. Even if you block his phone number because you were mad doesn’t mean your email and social media have stopped working. And if he had your phone number in the first place and was sincere about making things right, he’d just call or text you from anyone else’s phone. If he’s not saying the right things it’s not because he can’t, it’s cause he won’t.
  6. Attraction is a chemical thing. Your body releases hormones for love, lust, and attraction. Even if a dude is naturally grumpy, complacent, or cynical, if that feeling really hits him, he’ll have the fuel to act out of character. A rough hard exterior can be melted by dopamine and pheromones. If he’s able to maintain a macho front with you, then he’s just not that into you.
  7. It’s kind of demeaning to stick around and wait. I mean, how are you supposed to act if you already established your interest and he’s not trying? Do you match his effort and essentially become friend-zoned holding onto what could be false hope, or do you keep pouring your heart out in a one-sided relationship and cross your fingers that he picks up his slack eventually? Whatever you do, staying with a guy who isn’t taking the lead is kind of embarrassing and you deserve better. It’s okay to establish a boundary and raise your standards. If he isn’t sure about you, or his actions can’t match his words, then he can’t have you. Your feelings may be hurt to put your foot down and end things, but were you really happy wondering if you were wanted anyway?
  8. If something genuinely has your attention, it will stick. Remember being a little kid and begging for a toy for Christmas and after like 24 hours straight of playing with it never touching it again? Turns out you really didn’t need it in your life as much as you thought you did. Then there’s that one special childhood blanket or stuffed animal that you still might have as an adult. Don’t be the girl he thought he wanted but was fine living without. If he isn’t consistent about trying to keep you then you were sadly just a passing thought of interest to him and not much more than that.
I’m Cara, not to be confused with Carrie, although you could say I’m a Millennial Bradshaw of sorts. Pop culture connoisseur. Lover of all things creative and passionate about health and personal well-being. Follow me on IG @cara_vale_writer