Does He Want An Open Relationship? 11 Signs He Wants To See Other People

You’re a one-man woman and you hope your boyfriend is all about things staying exclusive between you too, but can you be sure? After all, open relationships are gaining traction and there are plenty of people would love the option to see other people. If he’s showing these 11 signs, then maybe he secretly wants to try out polyamory. 

  1. He jokes about it. He might say, “Haha, wouldn’t it be funny if you had to bring someone else home for sex?” When you’re out at a club, he might say, “We should pick up that couple over there.” He’s only kidding around… or is he? You know what they say about jokes and the reality that could be lingering beneath them. He might be testing you to see how you’ll react.
  2. He has open fantasiesDuring sex, you guys might like to use fantasy as a tool. If your partner enjoys bringing someone else into your wild images on the regular by saying, “Imagine if someone else was touching you at the same time,” then maybe that’s his way of hinting that he’d like to bring other people into your relationship and bedroom.
  3. He’s introduced you to friends who dig it. If your boyfriend suddenly wants you to meet his friend who’s in an open relationship or a couple who likes to swing, he might be hoping you’ll get to know more about those other relationship types. It’s also a clever way for him to open up a dialogue about it with you later in the car on the way home.
  4. His eyes are all over the restaurant. Before, he might have noticed a pretty brunette or two who walked into the restaurant when you were having dinner, but now it’s like his eyes are always picking out the most attractive women. If this is happening more often—and he’s even pointing them out to you or asking you if they’re hot—then maybe that’s a sign he’d like to open up your relationship and date other women. Again, he’s testing you to see if you’re jealous.
  5. He’s curious about who attracts you. During movie night, he might ask if you’d like to sleep with Ryan Reynolds. It sounds dumb, but his questions might not always be that hypothetical. He might go ahead and ask you who you’re attracted to in real life too. Is it the mailman? The new guy at the office? By opening up this conversation, he’s formed a good stepping stone that can lead you directly to the subject of open relationships.
  6. He doesn’t get jealous. If your boyfriend is keen on having an open relationship, he’s probably not feeling any jealousy when thinking about you and another person. If he doesn’t behave in a jealous way when you mention who you’re attracted to in your social circle or he sees some other guy flirting with you, that’s probably a sign he’s keeping his relationship options open. Jealousy and open relationships are an explosive mix that can just cause unnecessary drama.
  7. He separates sex and emotion. He might be in love with and sleeping with you, but he’s said that sex can be just about sex and nothing else. Lots of people believe this, but if he says that and goes one step further by saying that he likes sex to be just about sex sometimes, that’s a huge hint. He might want to have love and intimacy with you but change things up sometimes by having no-strings-attached sex with other women.
  8. He’s had open relationships before. If he’s had and really enjoyed being in open relationships before, then he might be keen to have one again. This is especially the case if he’s been open with you about those previous relationships and how alive they made him feel. It’s even more of a sign if you get the feeling that he feels like he’s missing out by not being in an open relationship.
  9. He’s made you watch shows about it. It might be a huge hint if he says he wants to watch movies like Permission with you during your Netflix and chill time. By letting you watch something about open relationships, it could be his way of broaching the subject and starting a conversation that hopefully leads to a change of relationship labels.
  10. He’s talked about feeling bored. It’s not about you, it’s just that he’s the type of guy who loves love and is always looking for the next relationship to give him more excitement. If he’s talked about feeling bored or wanting to spice things up in your relationship, then that’s a big sign he’s probably considering an open relationship.
  11. He’s totally committed to you. This might sound like a weird one, but if your partner is completely committed to you and happy to be with you but is showing other signs on this list, then that could point to him wanting an open relationship. Here’s why: he knows that in order for an open relationship to work, you have to love each other and make each other your main priority. Now it’s up to you to decide if you’re down for it or not.

Open relationships aren’t for everyone, and you should never feel pressured to agree to one just for the sake of staying with your partner. If monogamy is your style and you don’t want to share your guy with anyone else, you shouldn’t have to. 

Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.