Does He Want To Date Me Or Just Hook Up? Ask Yourself These Questions

When you’ve been hanging out with a guy for a while, it can become frustrating trying to figure out what his intentions are. It’s too early to formally define the relationship, but you want to know: does he want to date me or just hook up? Here are a few questions to ask yourself so you know where things stand. If you’re looking for a relationship and he’s not, it’s better that you find out now.

  1. Is he available when I ask him out? It’s one thing for a guy to ask you out a lot, but what happens when you’re the one to suggest doing something? If he always seems to be busy when you initiate plans, he clearly sees you as a convenience rather than a priority. Anyone who has such a one-sided, self-centered approach to a relationship will never be dating material.
  2. Does he always avoid me when he knows sex isn’t on the cards? If you have your period or you’re super stressed out from work and mention something about how you just want to cuddle, how does he respond? If he’s suddenly “super busy” or has last-minute plans and can’t hang out when he knows you won’t be sleeping with him, that doesn’t bode well.
  3. Is he shy around me? Being shy is a sign that he really likes you. A guy who doesn’t appreciate you fully will not be shy because it hasn’t occurred to him that he’s lucky to have you around. He may even feel a little nervous and blush when you make eye contact or when you tell him you like him. All of these things are signs that he has feelings for you that go beyond physical desire.
  4. Does he ask me questions about myself? If he’s interested in dating you, he’ll want to know everything there is to know about you. A guy who’s more than happy to listen to himself talk all evening is a person whose ego is too large to accommodate a real relationship. If he’s boyfriend material, he will ask you questions about yourself and listen to what you have to say.
  5. Is he still active on dating apps or actively seeing other people? While it makes sense that he wouldn’t commit to you exclusively after a single date, if you’ve been seeing each other for a while now and he’s still just as active on dating apps as he was when you met or he openly talks about seeing other people, it seems like he might just want to hook up rather than date you.
  6. Have we ever spent a whole day hanging out? A guy who’s only interested in using you to hook up with rather than date won’t spend more than a few hours at a time with you, usually at night. A guy who wants to date you will spend as much time with you as he can. A good indication of which type of guy you’re with is whether you’ve spent an entire day together. If you have and it was relaxing and intimate, it’s likely you’re headed towards a relationship.
  7. Does he turn every conversation into a suggestive one? It’s fun to be flirty and build sexual tension between you, but if you can’t have a conversation with him without it turning into something explicit or full of innuendos, it’s clear that his mind is in one place and one place only: the bedroom. Maybe this is just his way of showing that he’s nervous, but if you try to steer the conversation back to safer territory and he doesn’t pick up the hint, it’s likely he just wants to hook up rather than date you.
  8. Does he get embarrassed when he says he likes me? Being vulnerable is scary. It requires bravery to reveal that you like someone, especially when you’re not sure what they’ll say back. Embarrassment is a sign that he means it when he says he’s into you. A guy who says he likes you and shows no evidence of vulnerability may not be telling the truth.
  9. Do we spend the night together after sex? In general, if you spend the entire night together on a regular basis after having sex, you’re in relationship territory rather than hookup territory. Waking up with someone is a lot more intimate than having sex with them, and it’s unlikely that a guy who just wants to hook up will want to stay the night.
  10. Is he consistent? Does he respond to your texts? Does he give you attention when you’re not together or when he’s not trying to plan a date with you? If the answer is no, he is not interested in a relationship. Even if he’s attentive and obsessed with you when you’re together, he will never be more than a hookup if he can’t back it up with consistency when you’re apart. Unless you can rely on his attention, he will never be your boyfriend.
  11. Does he make time for me? If he wants to be in a relationship with you, he’ll make time to be with you even when it isn’t convenient for him. Over time, he will start prioritizing you because he cares about your needs as well as his own. If he’s only interested in you if you don’t ask anything of him, he clearly only sees you as a source of casual sex. As long as you’re okay with that arrangement, there’s nothing wrong with that. But if you want things to blossom into a relationship, you’re with the wrong guy.
  12. Does he open up to me about deeper topics? If he’s willing to tell you things about himself that are considered somewhat private or not something he tells everyone, it’s clear that he’s investing in you and your relationship. He knows that in order to establish a deep connection and bond, he has to be willing to let you see him for who he really is, not the shiny, first-impression version. That’s a pretty encouraging sign.
  13. Do we go on formal dates? Grabbing drinks at a bar before heading back to his place does not count as a formal date. Unless you’ve been to sit-down restaurants or spent the day doing non-sex-related activities together, you are unlikely to be headed toward a relationship. If he respects you and wants to know you, he’ll take you out. If he wants sex, he’ll stick with casual meetups that always lead to the bedroom.
  14. Does he want to meet my friends? Introducing him to your nearest and dearest isn’t something you should do in the first couple of weeks, but once you’ve been seeing one another for a little while, it only makes sense that he would come into contact with your best friends. How he reacts to the situation tells you a lot about where he stands. If he’s super friendly and tries to make a good impression with them, it’s clear that he wants to make sure they like him because he likes you and wants to date you.
  15. Does he want to date me? If the answer to the above questions is “Yes,” he almost certainly wants to date you. If you answered “No” to any of the questions, it could be that you’re just too early in the relationship to know where you stand. Alternatively, it could mean that he’s just looking for a hookup. In either case, it’s always best to be straightforward. If you want to know how he feels about you and what he wants out of your relationship, just ask!
Rose Nolan is a writer and editor from Austin, TX who focuses on all things female and fabulous. She has a Bachelor of Arts in Theater from the University of Surrey and a Master's Degree in Law from the University of Law. She’s been writing professional since 2015 and, in addition to her work for Bolde, she’s also written for Ranker and Mashed. She's published articles on topics ranging from travel, higher education, women's lifestyle, law, food, celebrities, and more.