Does The No Contact Rule Work If You Were Dumped?

Cutting off all communication with your ex for at least thirty days after your breakup has a proven track record of speeding up your post-breakup mess of emotions. This is especially true if you’re the person who was broken up with. Does the no contact rule work if you were dumped? You bet — here’s why.

  1. It shows them that you’re okay without them. While maintaining dignity may not be your first priority after you’ve been dumped, being pitied by the person who dumped you is probably not what you’re looking for either. Do not give them an ego boost by begging for them to come back. Your lack of communication will fill them with confusion and may even make them regret breaking up with you.
  2. It prevents them from stringing you along. Deciding to break up with a partner is rarely easy is often followed by moments of doubt. The no contact rule prevents your ex from dragging you into their regret and second thoughts. They will not be able to take advantage of your broken heart and say that they made a mistake. They will be forced to come to terms with the consequences of their decision while you move on in peace.
  3. You need time to process the shock. If you’ve been dumped, chances are you didn’t see it coming. While it is normal to want more information or to bargain with your partner to change their mind, complete silence is the best way forward. You should never have to convince a partner that you are worthy of them. The no contact rule allows you to gain perspective, process the pain, and understand why breaking up was the best way forward.
  4. It proves to you that you don’t need them. You may question your ability to function on your own after your breakup. Your life was tied to your partner’s. What are you without them? As time passes and you remain cut off from them, however, you will grow into yourself. You will recognize that you are a separate person and that your life has always belonged to you and no one else. In time, you will feel whole on your own, but only if you sever ties with them completely.
  5. It allows them to miss you. If you continue talking to your ex and try to make them change their mind, they will never have to confront the consequences of breaking up with you. They will have the best of both worlds: they can move on and date other people while knowing that you are always a backup. If you cut them off, however, they will have to come to terms with the fact that they chose to lose you.
  6. It forces you to rely on other people for support. One of the reasons breakups are so painful is that you simultaneously lose your relationship and the person who you always turn to for comfort. If you follow the no contact rule, you are forced to seek help from other people instead of trying to mourn with your ex. This will bring you closer to your friends and family and solidify your post-breakup community.
  7. You’ll remember who you were before you met them. Being cut off from your ex forces you to get back in touch with who you were before you started dating them. Your ex is part of your story, but not the whole story. Slowly, the older version of yourself will come in to focus and you’ll understand that, if you had a life before your ex, you can have a life after them, too.
  8. It prevents you from saying things you’ll regret. We all say things we regret when we’re overwhelmed with emotion. This is especially true during breakups. The no contact rule prevents you from lashing out at each other with words you can’t take back. It also prevents you from telling your ex that you will never find anyone else, that you will always love them, and that you’ll do anything to get them back. All of these are untrue, and saying them would be a mistake.
  9. It allows you to define yourself without them. Continuing to talk to your ex shapes the way you move on. While you may eventually come to terms with the fact that the relationship is over, communicating with them means that they will remain a presence in your life. You may even try to become more desirable for them. If you apply the no contact rule, however, you will have no choice but to become a completely new version of yourself. They are out of your life entirely, and you can step into a new you.
  10. It only works if you stick to it. The no contact rule is much easier said than done, and unfortunately, it is all-or-nothing. If you slip up even once, it’s over. The benefits of being no contact will not happen if the rule is broken. Therefore, while cutting communication with your ex works just as well, if not better, for the dumpee as it does for the dumper, you have to adhere to it as if your life depends on it.
Rose Nolan is a writer and editor from Austin, TX who focuses on all things female and fabulous. She has a Bachelor of Arts in Theater from the University of Surrey and a Master's Degree in Law from the University of Law. She’s been writing professional since 2015 and, in addition to her work for Bolde, she’s also written for Ranker and Mashed. She's published articles on topics ranging from travel, higher education, women's lifestyle, law, food, celebrities, and more.