Does He Want Something Real Or Is He Just Stringing You Along?

You’ve been on several dates now and you’re totally crazy about each other. You might think he’s interested in you and on his way to making you his girlfriend, but if you notice any of these shady signs, he’s actually just leading you straight to a dead-end:

  1. He’s not interested in having you meet his friends or family. It might seem crazy to meet his loved ones early on since you’re still getting to know each other and don’t want to bring other people into what you haven’t yet labelled. However, if it’s been weeks of dating and he hasn’t even said that he’d like you to meet his family or friends at some point, he doesn’t want to mix the different areas of his life. Shady AF. What’s he hiding?
  2. He doesn’t want to meet your family and friends. He asks you out and you say you’re actually hitting the club with your friends but you invite him along. He always seems to have an excuse for why he can’t attend, though. If he doesn’t show any interest in meeting people who are important to you, he’s not showing much of an interest in your life and probably doesn’t plan to stick around for much more of it.
  3. He can’t see you on certain days. Although you’re both sometimes too busy to get together, check to see if there’s a pattern forming of days when he can never seem to meet up. It might be on the weekend, for instance. If this happens all the time, you have to wonder why he’s blocking out certain days from you and why he’s only giving you limited access to his life.
  4. He holds back on his feelings. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know that a guy is into you. You can see it by how he looks at you and touches you, as well as the sweet things he says. But if he hasn’t actually told you that he feels deeply for you and it’s been a few months of dating, no relationship progression is happening.
  5. He’s a roller-coaster of confusion. For a few days, he’s charming and cool, and then for a few days he’s distant. If he can’t be consistent in how he treats you, he’s not going to be quality BF material. He needs to work out his own feelings before he can care for anyone else’s.
  6. He suggests future dates but they always fall apart. He does sometimes mention the future with you in it, but often in a vague way, like by saying, “Hey, we should totally go check out that new movie,” but then he never actually follows through on it. And if you try to, he’ll always have other plans that come up.
  7. His sexts make you think he’s pushing things forward, but he’s not. Often, he texts you late at night. Hello, he’s horny. You might go along with it, thinking he’s trying to take things to a higher level or bond with you, but he’s really just trying to get some action when he wants it.
  8. He’s always late. He’s keen to see you but then rocks up late at your dates. He might cite how busy he is as an excuse, but honestly, if he can’t even make time to be punctual, it’s a sign of disrespect. You have to wonder how serious he’ll be about relationship obligations, though you’re wasting your time because things obviously aren’t heading in that direction.
  9. You know next to nothing about his life before or outside of you. He doesn’t open up about his life or past. It’s so damn frustrating because it’s like he’s got his walls up and it makes you feel like you’re just the For Now girl — and to be fair, you probably are.
  10. He’s a last minute kind of guy. He doesn’t make plans ahead of time. Instead, he’s the guy who’s likely to text you half an hour before he’d like to meet up. It might feel fun to be spontaneous, but if this is how he sets dates, then you’re left asking why he can’t commit to seeing you ahead of time. Here’s a thought: he’s not placing you on the top of his priority list, where you belong.
  11. He only invites you over when it’s late. You’ve never seen the inside of his apartment during the day. He tends to invite you inside after your night date. This is shady. If he’s really serious about you, he’ll invite you over and cook for you or cuddle with you in front of a movie at any time of the day, not just when he’s hoping to end his date night in the bedroom.
  12. He’s the last single guy in his group. Although you can’t always judge a guy according to his friends, there’s something to be said about a guy who’s in his thirties or older and is the last standing single guy in his social group. Everyone else is in committed relationships or married. Even now that he’s dating you, he can’t seem to be bothered to make you a priority and make your relationship official. What BS! You deserve better.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.