If He Doesn’t Do These 9 Things During Sex, You Need To Move On

It can’t be stressed enough: sex is incredibly important in a relationship. While you need to have a connection outside the bedroom, the one you have inside it can tell you a lot about how well you work as a couple — and if the sex is bad, things probably won’t last. In fact, if he skips out on doing these 9 things when you’re in bed, it might be time to say goodbye now:

  1. Reciprocate. Sure, sometimes you give without asking anything in return, and that’s really sweet. That being said, if you’re always giving and he’s never giving back, then the selfish bastard needs to go. Sex is supposed to be an interactive experience. If you wanted to do it alone, you could just masturbate.
  2. Give without taking. Sometimes you’re happy to give him a blow job without him going down on you, but if he’s not willing to do the same sometimes, there’s a problem. A guy who cares about you will want to go down on you sometimes just because he wants you to get off, not because he’s waiting for you to give him a BJ after you’re done. Otherwise, he’s just selfish.
  3. Ask what you want. Before things get too hot and heavy, he needs to seriously ask you what you want. Not in the moment, but in a separate time so he can actually think with his head and not his penis. He should care about what turns you on and gets you off, and if he doesn’t, then he probably doesn’t care about you as much as you think he does.
  4. Get it on even if he isn’t in the mood. As women, sometimes we have sex a lot more than we actually feel like having it because we’re givers and we care about our partners. Of course, this means that he needs to buck up too sometimes, even if he’s not particularly horny. Life gets hectic sometimes and maintaining your sex life occasionally takes some concerted effort, and if he isn’t willing to meet you in the middle, you need to think about how he handles compromise in general.
  5. Try new things. Anyone in a LTR knows that trying new things is necessary to keep the relationship fresh and fun. Yeah, its nice to be comfortable, but you don’t want to get bored. If he isn’t willing to at least try something new, you should run. He becomes the guy who doesn’t want to leave the house on weekends and only eats Domino’s. Yikes.
  6. Get you there first. It is not secret that we can take a whole lot longer to reach climax than the guys, and they have a much higher success rate. Therefore, I strongly believe he should work extra hard to help you get there before he does. Sex is about both of you, not just him. If he doesn’t get this, he needs to grow up.
  7. Respect your limits, no matter what. If you say no to something, he needs to respect it and stop asking you to change your mind. Sure, you might try it once or twice for him, but if you solidly know it isn’t for you, he needs to stop asking already! You don’t have to change your preferences for him, and he needs to respect you and your limits. Period.
  8. Actually mean it when he asks how it was for you. A lot of guys will ask in the afterglow how it was, expecting you to shower them with sexual praise. This is not the same as asking you how it was and actually wanting to know what they can do to make it better the next time, and the time after that. Is he even listening to you when you tell him?
  9. Not bail immediately after to play video games. Some post-coital time is nice. What isn’t so nice is when you’re coming back down, slowing your breathing and reach out for him but he’s on the couch chatting with his gamer buds. Um, no. A few minutes of connection afterwards is mandatory.
C. is an aspiring yogi and Ph.D student who loves her dogs, bright lipstick and to travel. Find her on IG @drparko121314