If He Doesn’t Choose You, Screw Him — It’s Time To Choose Yourself

Rejection from a guy you were really into hurts like hell, but what’s worse is thinking that his opinion somehow matters. Newsflash: it doesn’t and never will. Your relationship with yourself is the most important one you’ll ever have, and if he doesn’t see your value, choose to see your own and move onto something bigger and better.

  1. Your value should never be based on a guy’s feelings (or lack thereof). If he liked you, it would have made you feel great about yourself. But now that he doesn’t, you allow his rejection to make you feel crappy about yourself. What kinda messed up logic is that? Your value and worth don’t yo-yo depending on his — or anyone’s — opinion of you. The only thing that matters is what YOU think.
  2. You know you deserve more. Don’t be blinded by hurt. You know deep down that you deserve so much more than him and this is just a way for you to understand that he’s not right for you. Take the message and move on. Something better will come your way, but you have to be strong enough to keep your heart open if you want to find it.
  3. Be glad you’re not his type. If he wrote you off as not being his type, well, screw that. How a funny, ambitious, caring, amazing woman isn’t his type may be beyond you, but don’t bother wasting your time trying to figure it out. You’ll be the right guy’s type, and that’s what matters.
  4. You have to love yourself more. You might have really been into the guy you were dating, but you know what? You have to love yourself more so that you don’t stick around in unfulfilling situations that harm you. Why hurt yourself? If he was worthy of your heart, it would be easy.
  5. He has to be 100% into it or he must GTFO. How much was this guy actually giving you when it comes to support, love and meeting you halfway? If he’s giving you mixed messages or backtracking from the relationship, then clearly he wasn’t giving you anything close to 100%. You deserve nothing less.
  6. You shouldn’t have to sell yourself. If it was right, you wouldn’t have to show him what he’s missing — he’d have seen it himself and wanted you in his life in the first place if it was right.  You shouldn’t have to advertise what makes you great. If a guy can’t see it, then screw him.
  7. You wouldn’t want him anyway. He seems like a catch now, and maybe even a challenge because he’s out of reach, but if you got with him, you wouldn’t even be happy. You’d always doubt if he was really into you, especially if you had to do the chasing. That’s no way to enjoy a relationship.
  8. He doesn’t get to decide to leave you hanging. Don’t give him your power. If he’s giving you mixed messages, he’s shady AF, perhaps hoping to keep you around should he need you but without making a real commitment. Who says he gets to decide what happens? You’re the one in control of your life, so you get to cut the strings right now.
  9. Don’t waste time pining over someone who isn’t even on your level. Of course you’re not a robot and you feel hurt when you don’t get the guy you wanted, but don’t allow yourself to pine over him. For what? He’s the one who should be crying over his mistake to let such an amazing woman go.
  10. He’s one of many, but you’re one in a million. The sad thing is that there are loads of guys just like him out there — guys who won’t recognize your worth, guys who are going to mess with your heart, etc. Instead of allowing them to screw you over, choose to keep your high standards. You’re worth so much more.
  11. You’ll never have to sacrifice your happiness for something real. If something isn’t making you happy, it isn’t what’s right for you. This guy who hasn’t chosen to make you his is obviously not the right match for you — otherwise, you’d be with him and happy. Don’t waste another minute of your time on someone who makes you angry or sad. The right guy won’t.
  12. It’s not your job to fix himA guy who doesn’t choose you, perhaps because he’s a commitment-phobe or not interested in relationships, might be a tempting challenge for you. You might love the idea of being the one to change him and make him love again. But honestly, unless you’re getting paid by the hour for this as a registered psychologist, this is not worth your time or energy. It’s much more powerful to choose to improve yourself because that gives you greater self-growth. Let the jerk deal with his own crap. You don’t deserve it dumped outside your door.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.