If He Doesn’t Do These Things On A First Date, There Won’t Be A Second

First dates can be awkward, but they’re a necessary evil if you want to find love — and I definitely do. Plus, they do actually serve a purpose: how things go helps you decide whether or not you want to see the other person again or delete their number and never look back. Personally, there are a few specific things I want to see a guy do on a first date if there’s going to be a second — and I don’t think I’m asking too much.

  1. Be On Time. There’s nothing more disrespectful than a guy who’s late for a first date. Unless there’s a good reason — an accident, a family emergency, death — he should be on time, if not early. If he strolls up 15 minutes late with no excuse and no apology, I’ll walk away and he’ll never hear from me again.
  2. Hug Me When He Sees Me. Instead of shaking my hand, or giving me an awkward arm squeeze, I want him to embrace me like an old friend even if we don’t know each other that well. I want to see that he’s comfortable and willing to be open with me.
  3. Ask Real Questions. I want him to ask more than, “How are you?” and, “What did you do today?” If we’re on a date, it’s because we want to get to know each other better. The only way to do that is by asking questions. Naturally, I’m not going to unload my deepest secrets on the first date, but I’d like him to ask personal questions — what my goals are, where I see myself in five years if I have any siblings — things that will give him a good idea of who I am.
  4. Smile. He can have a resting bitch face, but when he’s with me, I want him to be smiling. No one wants to go out with someone who’s miserable, and if he’s that unhappy to be around me, he should stop wasting both of our time and go.
  5. Smell Good. Body odors can be a real turnoff. Plus, I like when a guy has a sexy scent. Whether it’s his cologne or deodorant, I want to be able to smell him (I say in a non-creepy stalker way) and I want that smell to be a good one.
  6. Treat The Waiter With Respect. I don’t want to date a guy who’s mean to strangers, especially servers. If he’s treating the barista like she’s stupid or talking down to the waiter, he’s a jerk. I want the guy I’m out with to be polite and respectful to the people around him. That’ll tell me more about his character than anything he says to me directly.
  7. Listen To What I’m Saying. When I’m talking, I want him to be listening — not scrolling through his phone, looking around the room, or staring at my chest. I want him to be engaged in my words so that we can have a meaningful conversation.
  8. Not Be A Jerk. If I tell him I like Nick Jonas, I don’t want him to go into a rant about how much Nick Jonas sucks. If I say I don’t eat gluten, I don’t him to tell me how stupid and pointless that is. He needs to be a gentleman. And even if he disagrees, he shouldn’t verbally tell me in an obnoxious and jerk-ish way.
  9. Compliment Me. Yes, I want him to compliment me. Not because I crave validation, but because I want to see that he’s willing to be sweet. He doesn’t have to compliment my physical appearance (though I wouldn’t be completely against that). He can say something about my intelligence, determination, patience — it doesn’t matter what he compliments, as long as it’s genuine.
  10. Talk About Himself. I’d prefer if I’m not the only one talking on the date. That doesn’t mean I want him to monopolize the entire conversation. However, I do want to know who he is. I have to decide if I want to go out with him again and in order to do that, I need detail. I want to know about his goals, past dating experiences, and what kind of relationship he’s looking for right now. I don’t want to wind up going out with him, a second time, only to find out he’s just looking for a hookup.
  11. Pay. It’s 2017. Women have come a long way and that’s great. But I still want the guy to pay on the first date (and probably the second, third, and fourth….).
  12. Make Plans For A Second Date. Before we go our separate ways, I want him to make plans to see me again. I don’t want him to wait two days to call me or randomly hit me up on Saturday asking to meet up. Nope! If he had a good time and he wants to see me again, I want him to have the confidence to commit to making a plan before the first date comes to an end.
Jordan White is a writer based in Scottsdale, Arizona with more than 8 years of experience. She graduated from Northern Arizona University with a degree in Rhetoric and Creative Writing in 2015 and while there, she wrote for The Daily Wildcat. She has since written for sites including FanBread, and, of course, Bolde. You can find about more her on Facebook. She has a passion for giving her audience something to laugh about and despises the heat more than anything.