If He Doesn’t Give You Butterflies, It’s Not Love

If He Doesn’t Give You Butterflies, It’s Not Love ©iStock/PeopleImages

Whether you’ve been single for ages by choice or you’ve just been burned way too many times by love, getting into a new relationship comes with challenges. And one of the biggest challenges can be figuring out if what you have is real — but there is one way to tell: butterflies. If you have them, it could be love. If not, it’s probably not.

  1. You should be nervous. Not because you think something bad is going to happen, but because you think something good is happening right here, right now. Your new guy should definitely make you feel a bit nervous because you can’t believe how amazing he is.
  2. You should be super psyched. Butterflies and excitement go together like hipsters and kale smoothies. If you’re not excited, what’s the point? Love shouldn’t exactly be boring. You have enough boring things in your life.
  3. It means you’re attracted to him. If you were totally cool and chill about your first kiss or first sleepover with this guy, that would definitely be a sign that you weren’t actually attracted to him, after all. Your entire body should still feel all weird and fluttery every single time you two are together if you’re truly in love. If you don’t feel that way, then he totally bores you.
  4. Science believes butterflies equal love. Back in 2000, a bunch of British researchers figured out that when you fall in love, you experience butterflies. They looked at what happens in your gut/stomach and in your brain, too. So there.
  5. Love should shake up your entire world. You can’t be calm about falling in love — that would be super weird. You have to be crazy, embarrassing, awkward, and not exactly on your best behavior. That’s why they say love is like the biggest drug you could possibly find.
  6. If you don’t feel butterflies now, then when? The longer you date someone, the more things change. You get busier with your careers, maybe you buy a house/condo, you start a family, etc. You can’t expect things to get better later on. They should be awesome today.
  7. He should challenge you. Sure, you should have an easy bond and feel like you’ve known this person forever, but that doesn’t mean you can’t feel totally challenged, too. You want to be with someone who is super smart and gives your brain a run for its money. Anticipating the next great debate or intellectual discussion could definitely give you some serious butterflies.
  8. Every ounce of your being should feel it. Your mind may be made up about this guy because he looks great on paper but your whole body should agree, too. If you’re really in love, you just can’t possibly stop that feeling. That’s why you find yourself giggling like an idiot when you’ve never giggled before in your life.
  9. You should never be able to believe your good luck. If you feel like, of course you two are together and it’s no big deal, that’s super strange. You should always feel like the luckiest girl in the universe, and if you have constant butterflies, then you know that’s really true.
Aya Tsintziras is a freelance lifestyle writer and editor from Toronto, Canada. In addition to writing about dating and relationships for Bolde, she also writes about movies, TV, and video games for ScreenRant and GameRant. She has a Political Science degree from the University of Toronto and a Masters of Journalism from Ryerson University. You can find her on Twitter @ayatsintziras and on Instagram @aya.tsintziras.