If He Doesn’t Put Effort Into His Appearance, He’s Never Going To Put Effort Into Your Relationship

A guy who cares about his appearance isn’t just attractive — he’s displaying self-love, which is really important in a boyfriend. It will translate into a caring, successful relationship because yes, the two are connected. Here’s why:

  1. If he loves himself, he can love others. Love has to start within, for one’s self. If you don’t love yourself, you’re not going to be able to love others because you won’t know exactly what it means to love. One of the ways in which people show they love themselves is to care about their bodies and appearances.
  2. He should want to impress you. A guy should step up and clean up before a date, especially when you’re just getting to know him. If he rocks up to your first date in a dirty tracksuit and looking like he hasn’t shaved in months, it’s a bad sign that he doesn’t value what you think of him. He also seems to think that he can be as sloppy as he likes and he’ll still get a dream girl. He’s got another thing coming!
  3. He should care about what others think, to a degree. It’s good not to worry too much about what people think of you but there are limits to this. If a guy gives zero f*cks about what others think of his dirty hair and how he doesn’t shower regularly, that’s not confidence — it’s arrogance that will leak into your relationship. Who would want to be around a guy like that?
  4. He needs to have confidence. If you care about yourself, you’ll be confident and walk with your head held high. If you lack confidence, it can show in your sloppy appearance and body language. A guy like that doesn’t instill much confidence in women. They’re bound to think he won’t put in the work to sustain a relationship because he gives the impression of not fighting for what he wants.
  5. Self-love is a sign of self-respect. No self-respecting guy is going to leave the house looking like crap or veg out in front of the TV looking like a slob even though you’re at his place. It’s so unappealing! If he can’t respect himself, how can he show you respect? Sooner or later, it will show that he doesn’t.
  6. It’s not about being fashionable. You don’t necessarily need a guy who’s stylish (although it’s a bonus). But you do need a guy who can look after himself because he understands that self-care makes a good impression on those around him. Unless he’s living on a deserted island, those things do matter. Appearances are the first chapter in who someone is. An appearance that looks like it’s neglected just makes people not want to read further and discover a person’s character and soul.
  7. A lazy man makes a lazy boyfriend. You can tell when a guy’s going to bring drama to your relationship because he has drama in his life. In the same way, a man who isn’t going to make an effort to keep the relationship going can be seen by how he doesn’t make an effort in his own life and with his own appearance.
  8. Appearances are sometimes telling of deeper issues. If he’s got issues, such as low self-esteem or he’s highly insecure, this will negatively impact your relationship. Sometimes men who don’t care about their appearances suffer from such issues, so they can be a warning sign that you’ll be the only one carrying the relationship along and taking on all his issues.
  9. It isn’t healthy for him to neglect himself. A guy who neglects his appearance tends to neglect other things, such as his health. He might want to eat lots of unhealthy foods or not workout at all, which could impact his wellbeing — and make you feel frustrated AF to be with someone who doesn’t put himself on his own list of priorities.
  10. He should value you and show it. Imagine you’re invited to a really glamorous event. You invite your BF along and he pitches up looking scruffy and hungover. Ugh. Not only is it disrespectful of him to arrive in such a state, but he should realize that how he looks and behaves reflects on you. If a man truly values you, he’ll want to look his best so that he does you justice.
  11. A committed boyfriend is non-negotiable. One of the common signs of cheating partners that always does the rounds is sudden attention to appearance, like a man who suddenly starts dressing better or wears a new fragrance. The reason for this is that it’s a known truth that men who cheat want to impress their new partners. But excuse me: the man you’re with should be putting in that effort to impress you, not just when he first meets you but as time goes on. That’s the sign of a committed man who doesn’t take you for granted. You deserve nothing less than that.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.