When The Guy You Want Doesn’t See How Awesome You Are, Read This

That feeling when you know someone doesn’t like you as much as you like him is pretty much the worst. We can do some pretty ridiculous stuff when trying to get the guy we like to like us, but sometimes, even our greatest efforts just aren’t enough. If you’re feeling down because of your unrequited feelings towards a certain man, remember these things:

  1. Your value doesn’t depend on his opinion. When the man of your dreams doesn’t see you the same way you see him, it can be easy to convince yourself that you’re worthless. We put a lot of stock in the opinions of those we care about, so when they imply that we aren’t “good enough” to receive their time or affection, it hits us pretty hard. But remember that no matter how much you like this guy, he’s still just one person. There are lots of people out there who do see how amazing you are, and as long as you love yourself, that’s really all that matters.
  2. We can’t help who we fall for. You probably have a guy friend who is sweet, handsome, respectful, basically everything you’d ever want in a boyfriend. The only problem is that you feel absolutely NOTHING for him in terms of romantic attraction. It sucks, but that’s just the way hormones and feelings work. Similarly, this guy’s feelings (or lack thereof) for you aren’t a reflection of who you are as a person. He can’t control them any more than you can control how you feel about other men.
  3. He may not be crazy about you, but someone else will be. I know he’s the only guy you can focus on right now, but eventually, you’ll be over him. And once you are, someone else is going to come into your life and fall head over heels for you. When you fall in love with someone who thinks the sun shines out your ass, the pain you’re feeling over this dude’s rejection will cease to exist.
  4. You’ll be over him before you know it. Right now it seems like you’re always going to have him on your mind, but that’s not going to be the case. It might take some effort for you to emotionally separate from him, but once you take that first step, you’ll be well on your way to wondering why you ever even liked him so much.
  5. Just because he’s not in love with you doesn’t mean it’s your fault. You might be blaming yourself for his lack of interest, but most of the time, it’s not you; it’s him. Not that there’s anything “wrong” with him, either. Sometimes, two people find themselves looking for different things in a partner. You’re someone’s idea of perfection, but this guy is simply looking for something else. Don’t change a thing about yourself just because you think it’s what he’d want.
  6. You’re just going to keep shining brighter as time goes on. Long after this guy stops constantly occupying your thoughts, you’re going to keep getting happier and more successful. It’s hard, but try not to let yourself get too mopey over his rejection. All it’s going to do is give you more time to work on your own life. A few years down the road, you’ll probably look back and realize that here’s nothing this guy could have given you that could come close to the joy you give yourself.
  7. You shouldn’t have to fight to get someone to see how great you are. When you’re crazy about someone, it’s normal to want to show him just how perfect you’d be for him. But if this guy is really as meant-to-be as your heart is trying to convince you, he’d already see how great you are without you having to shove it in his face. Love may not always be easy, but those initial feelings of attraction should come without effort. If you feel like you have to jump through hoops to get him to like you, it’s never going to work out.
  8. You’re not a failure because you couldn’t win him over. This isn’t a competition. You didn’t “lose.” It just didn’t work out, and that’s fine. It doesn’t reflect on who you are as a person or your chances of finding love in the future. Keep your chin up and stay strong: You’re way too much of a badass for something like this to keep you down for too long.
  9. You’re better off with someone who immediately recognizes your awesomeness. Even if you don’t believe in the concept of love at first sight, you’ve probably at least experienced attraction at first sight. When two people already have that chemistry going, it’s so much easier to start a relationship together. Once you find something like that, you’re going to realize how much better it is than having to fight just to get this dude to notice you.
  10. Whether single or in a relationship, you’re still an incredible human being. Whether you somehow end up with this guy, find someone new, or spend a while as a single lady, that has no impact on how awesome you are. It’s okay to be bummed out about this dude for a while, but then, you need to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and continue living your amazing life.
Averi is a word nerd and Brazilian jiu jitsu brown belt. She's also a TEFL/TESOL-certified ESL teacher and an equine enthusiast. Originally from Pennsylvania, she lived in Costa Rica for a while before moving to Australia. In addition to her work as a writer and editor for Bolde, she also has bylines with Little Things and regularly writes for Jiu-Jitsu Times.

You can follow Averi on Instagram @bjjaveri or on Twitter under the same handle.