If You’re Doing Any Of These Things, You’re Letting Yourself Get Played

Everyone gets screwed over in dating now and again, but if it keeps happening to you, it’s time to start asking yourself if you’re the problem. If you’re doing these things, you’re going to have to change things up if you want to quit getting played:

  1. You don’t listen to warnings from other women. Whether she’s a friend or a stranger, you should pay some mind to another woman who tells you that a guy is bad news. Some women are just better at spotting players than others. Stop shutting down the warnings and start listening, because when it comes to a game with this much risk, you could use all the advice you can get.
  2. You refuse to learn from your mistakes. We all make mistakes in love, but one of the worst things you can do is to blame everything on the guys of your past and take no responsibility for your own actions. You’ve screwed up before just like everyone else, and if you can’t learn from the past, then you’re doomed to repeat it. Each failed relationship should be a lesson learned, but if you let your pride take over, you’re just going to keep getting screwed.
  3. You’re too desperate to find love. You want love so badly that you see it even in places it doesn’t exist. You trick yourself into thinking every man you meet is “the one.” You want to find love no matter how much BS you have to tolerate to get it. When you’re desperate for a man to be Mr. Right, it’s going to make it that much harder for you to see just how wrong he is.
  4. You give away trust instead of making men earn it. Why would you trust a man you barely know? Trust is an important aspect of any relationship, but it takes time to build. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and trust isn’t formed overnight. If you put your faith in a man who hasn’t earned it, you can’t be mad when he ends up betraying the trust you so freely gave him.
  5. You keep dating the same kinds of guys. You might have the wrong kind of “type” and not even know it. You let men’s charisma get the best of you, and you eat up every lie they tell. Obviously, no one WANTS to be attracted to players, but it’s who they are before they show their true colors that makes you swoon. If you keep getting screwed over, you need to figure out the type of guys you keep dating and stay away from them.
  6. You give away unlimited chances. At some point, enough has to be enough. If a man keeps wasting every chance you give him, then why do you keep giving him more? He’s learned a pattern: He screws up, says he’s sorry, you forgive him, and he does it all over again. He’s walking all over you because you allow him to do so. If you want to stop getting played, you have to start standing up for yourself.
  7. You don’t listen to your gut. If you feel like something is off about a guy, then why aren’t you listening to your intuition? You know more than you give yourself credit for. When a relationship doesn’t feel right, your gut tells you — you just have to be strong enough to listen.
  8. You excuse his BS. There should be no reason ever for you to justify a man treating you like crap. But if you’re constantly getting played, you might be doing just that. If a guy doesn’t know your worth, why do you stick by his side? You have to stop making excuses for a man’s crappy behavior and start realizing that you deserve a hell of a lot better.
  9. You love him more than you love yourself. It’s one thing to be afraid of losing a man, but it’s another thing entirely to be so terrified of losing him that you allow him to walk all over you. Sometimes women get played because they’re too afraid to stand up for themselves. Never care more about having a man than you do about the way he treats you.
  10. You act stupid. That might sound a little frank, but it’s often the truth. If you want to survive the game of love then you have to stop playing dumb. No one’s going to be looking out for you, so you have to remember to look out for yourself. And if you’re going to do that, you have to make sure to be the best caretaker possible.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.