If He’s Doing These Things, He’s Telling You Loud & Clear That He’s Not Boyfriend Material

There are some subtle distinctions between a guy who’s not into you and a guy who simply doesn’t know how to deal. Emotional immaturity is a dead giveaway that he’s definitely not in a place to give you what you need just yet. If you notice any of these warning signs, spare yourself the heartache and get outta there—at least until he’s become a bit more experienced.

He doesn’t know what he wants. Don’t get me wrong, I have almost no idea what I’m doing with my life. However, I do pretty much know who I am, what I’m approximately aiming for, and certainly what my values are. A guy who hasn’t figured these things out yet needs to spend time by himself, even if he doesn’t think so. Otherwise, you will end up being the scapegoat for his own lack of fulfilment later down the line.

He’s not living independently. Financial difficulties make it really hard for our generation to leave the nest as soon as we’d like, but if your guy is still living under his parents’ roof and isn’t showing any signs of working towards changing that, there’s always going to be a limit on his independence and he’ll be somewhat sheltered from certain life realities.

He can’t make you part of his life. Nor can he figure out how to be a part of yours. A prime example is a guy who doesn’t remember milestones—or, if he does remember them, he elects to ignore them. For whatever reason, birthdays, new jobs and whatever else seem to elude him… every single time. You’ll never get him along to social occasions with your friends, and heaven forbid he should take the initiative to meet you for lunch one day.

He wants to flirt. Every couple has their own idea of what counts as flirtation and what’s an acceptable degree of it outside of the relationship. But if you go out and he’s paying other women attention that you feel uncomfortable with, then you’re not out with a guy who’s ready to put you first or who’s prepared to respect your emotional boundaries.

He’s scared of intimacy. You know what you deserve? Someone who’s crazy about you, sees you for all that you are, can’t wait to be with you, and knows exactly how lucky he is to have you by his side. A guy who backs away every time things get too close/serious is not a guy who’s capable of loving you in the way that you deserve.

He can’t offer emotional support. Lots of guys freak out at the thought of needing to offer emotional support. There are also lots of guys who don’t. If you want something real, then you need a partner who can stand by you through the ups and downs, who’s capable of offering comfort and support. Contrary to his fears, you don’t need a therapy session—you just need a hug and an empathic response.

He struggles to express himself. Someone who speaks in half-sentences and doesn’t know how to express himself during important conversations isn’t someone who’s ready to be in a relationship. You shouldn’t have to be his relationship coach or guess his every thought. He should be open and honest with you.

He avoids conflict. Lasting, high quality relationships are all about communication. If your guy runs away from difficult conversations, run-of-the-mill problems quickly turn into arguments and overly-emotional reactions. If there was simply a conversation right from the start, you could easily iron out misunderstandings, get back on the same page, or head off any potential future disagreements.

He goes out, like, all the time. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with enjoying a club night, but if he’s going out almost as often as when he was in college, that’s gotta raise a few questions. A grown man should have more hobbies and interests than getting drunk and staying out all night.

He’s all talk. Some guys know how to talk big even though there’s no follow through. They might compliment you and make all sorts of promises, but if you’ve never seen any of it materialize, it’s time you went in search of a guy who actually knows how to appreciate you.

He has no intentions. Not to sound all 1850s here, but if a guy doesn’t have intentions for you, it’s bad news. Thankfully, I’m not talking about marriage and being chained to a stove for the rest of your life—I’m talking about him being clear in his mind that he actually wants a second date with you, to get to know you better, or simply show you how much he values you and so on. Yes, be flexible; live in the moment and see what happens. But if your guy has no intention of dating you properly and you’re looking for someone with boyfriend potential, this is not him.

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