I’m Done Putting Men & Relationships First — Other Things Matter More

I’ve spent far too much time and energy in my life focusing on men and what they want. Whenever I have a boyfriend, his needs come first. It took being single for quite a while to learn what I want and need from my life to be happy and fulfilled. Now that I know how to take care of myself and work on my own future, I refuse to get sidetracked for love ever again. It’s just not worth it.

  1. I’m done putting men first. I used to devote myself entirely to my relationship because it enabled me to avoid dealing with my own life. I had no idea what I wanted, so I tried to distract myself with every single boyfriend I had. Funny enough, that meant I was always unhappy and dissatisfied. No matter how much I justified my behavior, deep down I know that it was dysfunctional and unhealthy.
  2. I figured out the hard way that I have to take care of myself before any guy. I’ve always been completely wrecked by breakups because I made my relationships my entire reason for living. They brought me all my joy and happiness. My moods depended entirely on my partner’s moods. It wasn’t good for me and I had to go through an extremely brutal post-breakup depression in order to change my life around completely. I can’t afford to go down that road again.
  3. I have dreams to achieve. I spent too many of my young years worried and confused with no clear direction. It took a lot of hard work, introspection, and time alone to begin understanding what I truly want for myself. I had to make the effort to really look at who I am without a guy clouding my vision. Now that I know what I want, I’m extremely focused and driven. There’s simply not much room for a man anymore.
  4. I have no more time to waste. I’m definitely not getting any younger. I wish I’d figured out my life’s path a bit sooner, but there’s no point frittering precious minutes away on regrets. Now that I’m confident and secure in who I am as a person, I want to devote as much energy as possible to making my goals a reality. I can’t justify spending any of that momentum getting bogged down in the minutiae of dating. I’d rather stay single.
  5. Love is great, but it’s not everything. I no longer need a relationship as a crutch and that feels amazing. I used to think my life was nothing until I found romance, but now I realize it’s the other way around. I need to develop my journey the way I want it first. If love comes along as an added bonus, that’s great, but I’ll survive if it doesn’t. I like being alone. I have no problem forging a solo path for myself.
  6. Relationships pull my focus. It’s a simple fact — I can’t be in a relationship without taking time and energy away from everything else in my life. There’s only so much to go around, and every new commitment dilutes it. I try to conquer the world and do as much as possible. I have a hard time telling myself to focus on only a few things. I want to do it all and more. Because I feel this way, and because I adore my friends so much, my love life is usually the first thing to go when I need to cut something out.
  7. Any man who dates me has to understand my priorities. I feel like a jerk, but I have to be honest with any guy who takes on the daunting task of trying to be with me. I know it’s not easy by any means. I have a very full and busy life and I’m not going to sacrifice it for him. I need a good deal of space and independence, and I am too scared to lose myself into the abyss of a relationship again. I have to proceed with a lot of caution and vigilance.
  8. I’ve lost my way too many times because of men. The problem here isn’t them, it’s me. I didn’t know who I was or what I wanted, so I latched on and quickly became co-dependent. I gave the relationship my all whether my boyfriend asked that of me or not. I just didn’t want to accept the responsibility of dealing with my stuff. Because I’m now very conscious of my past mistakes, I can’t afford to ever make them again. I won’t do it.
  9. I refuse to live with regrets. I don’t regret anything that’s happened because I’ve learned and become stronger from all of my errors. With that said, I intend to move forward with my eyes and soul open. It’s a bit scary and overwhelming and it takes constant effort and work to keep myself from making the same old mistakes. I do this because I don’t want to have any regrets to look back on. I won’t lose sight of my goals for any guy ever again.
  10. I’m not sure I’m even meant to be with anyone. I’m most in my element when I’m doing my thing alone. I’ve always been a bit of a loner, but I spent a long time ignoring my issues and trying to fill up the void in my heart with men. Now that I’m working on filling that void permanently for myself, I don’t know that I can even be with another person. I’m not ready, and I have lots to do. I love being alone so much that I don’t know if I’ll ever get as much true joy from being with a guy.
A former actress who has always loved the art of the written word, Amy is excited to be here sharing her stories! She just completed her first novel, and is also a contributor for Elite Daily, Dirty & Thirty, and Thought Catalog. Amy is the founder of What If Journey and can be found on Twitter @amyhorton18. You can also visit her website at amyhorton.net.