I’ve had to suffer through a lot of bad dates, misguided flings and unsuccessful relationships because I didn’t know exactly what I was looking for. Most of the guys I’ve been with had some good qualities but they were also missing a lot of critical things. Now, I’ve made a decision to never ignore the things that are missing just because I’m attracted to someone. So, if you don’t have these 15 attributes, we won’t be having even a first date:
- Compassion. I need a guy who sees those who are less fortunate and is empathetic to their struggles as opposed to looking down on them as if they were less than. If you’re one of those holier than thou people, then move it along.
- Humor. Laughter is the key to my heart, so if you take yourself or anyone else too seriously, I won’t be dating you. I need a man who isn’t afraid to laugh at himself and me and who enjoys life with a childlike sense of humor.
- Drive. An ambitious man is one that’s inspirational to be around. The guy I end up with will have a drive all his own, whether it be for his work or his hobbies. The ability to know what you want and actually work towards it is sexy as hell.
- Passion. A lot like drive, a guy has to have passion. Passion for his family, friends, hobbies, career and me will have me weak in the knees. There’s nothing better than watching a guy talking about something he truly loves, so if you don’t feel that way about any certain thing, please don’t bother.
- Kindness. If I have to watch one more guy be rude to our waiter, I’m going to scream. Kindness isn’t negotiable and it isn’t something you pick and choose who to direct it towards. If you don’t treat everyone you come across with kindness, I just don’t want to know you at all.
- Sense of self. The man that will capture my heart will be the one that knows exactly who he is. If you want to date me, you’ll know your good qualities, bad qualities and everything in between — and you’ll accept yourself and constantly strive to better yourself.
- Awareness of and care for the world around you. There’s nothing worse than a guy who appears to live in his own little bubble. I’m not asking for you to be a humanitarian or anything, but you should at least know what’s going on in the world at large and care about the state of it.
- Smarts. You don’t have to be an award-winning scientist, but I do need you to be smart in your own way. Maybe you can build a house from scratch or take apart cars or bikes and put them back together. You don’t have to be conventionally intellectual to be intelligent and that’s what I want anyway — unconventional brilliance.
- The ability to communicate. This one is huge. If you can’t hold a conversation, work through an argument or communicate your feelings then there really is no point at all. Communication is how we’ll make sure we’re on the same page and how we can work through any issues that may arise. If we can’t talk, we can’t be in a relationship.
- Self-control. The ability to control your own actions is really important to me. I don’t want to date someone who lacks that special skill because it’s taken me a long time to gain it myself and now that I have it, I can’t even fathom dating someone who doesn’t.
- Confidence. True confidence is sexy. That doesn’t mean that you think you’re God’s gift to women, it just means that you know who you are, what you have to offer and you actually love yourself. I want you to value yourself the way I value you, end of.
- The ability to admit when you’re wrong. If you’re too stubborn to admit you’re wrong, I can’t date you. It’s important to me that the guy I’m with will accept when he’s done something wrong because I can do the same. I shouldn’t “win” an argument by default so that you can shut me up. I’ll apologize when I’ve messed up but I expect you to do the same.
- Generosity. Helping those in need is hot. Whether it be friends, family or buying a homeless person a sandwich on your way to work, if you’re generous, I’ll give you a shot.
- Strength of character. If you have all of these qualities, I don’t ever want you to change, so it’s important that you have the ability to stand up for what you believe in and stay true to yourself no matter what. Being able to be you unapologetically is admirable in a world full of fakes.
- The ability to truly love. Last but definitely not least, if you can’t love with your whole heart, then what’s the point? I need a man who will give and receive love truly and with grace.
