I Don’t Approve Of My BFF’s Boyfriend — But I Support Her Anyway

My best friend and I have known each other since middle school and we’ve always been able to talk about everything… until her ex-boyfriend came back into the picture. I made my feelings about him clear the first time they broke up and helped her get back out there, but I knew she was keeping her feelings for him from me. Now they’re an item again and while I can’t stand him, I still have her back. Here’s how I support her even though we disagree:

  1. I Put My Feelings Out There. When my instincts told me that they were definitely giving it another try on the low, I confronted my friend and asked her to tell me what was really up. I knew it would only drive a wedge between us if I let my feelings build up. I let her know my concerns without condemning her feelings and alienating her. I needed her to know that I wanted more for her while also communicating that I respected her choices.
  2. We Still Have Our Girl Time. I wanted her to know that even though our feelings were all out in the open, I still love her and don’t want things to change because we disagree. We still go to our favorite restaurant for margaritas and take our dogs out trail hiking on the weekends. I want her to know our friendship is important and give her a break from the stress of making tough relationship decisions. After all, our friendship was around before any of the boys in our lives and that’s pretty awesome.
  3. I Ask About Him. Even though I don’t think this guy is the one for my friend, I want to acknowledge him and learn more about him as a person. Without bringing up our differences, I can talk with my bestie about what her guy is up to, what projects he has at work, or how college is going for him. Not only does it give me new perspectives on him but also lets her know that I’m interested in what she cares about and I haven’t rejected him as a person.
  4. We Set Up Double Dates. My husband and I have known both my friend and her boyfriend for a long time, so it seems natural with the situation that we keep in touch and hang out from time to time. This helps her to see that we want to understand why she likes him and gives us a chance to talk with him too without that awkward, judgy distance between us. Instead of just looking at their relationship, we can laugh and talk about the things we have in common, which makes things less awkward.
  5. We Have Heart To Heart Talks. Even though it can be kind of hard to bring up, I want to see where my friend is at and what she’s feeling. After all, I want to be her go-to girl that is there when she needs to talk or feels insecure. I make sure to keep things honest about my relationship with her, just as I want her to be able to be with me. I don’t have a perfect marriage and I want her to know that she isn’t alone in figuring out how to have healthy relationships.
  6. I Try To Be Her Biggest Cheerleader. What is a best friend if not a cheerleader? I try to keep up with her busy schedule and make time to be an encourager when she really needs it in other parts of her life. Putting together her grad school applications? You know I’ll help proof read. She has a big test coming up? I’ll bring the coffee. Her volleyball team is playing in a tournament? I’ll come support. I want her to know that even though I don’t agree with everything she chooses, I’m in her corner and truly care about her life.
  7. I Give Her Space To Think. Nothing is more annoying than trying to figure out major life decisions and always having someone in your ear stating their opinion. After I let her know my feelings, I backed off and let her think about what I said and what she feels. I’ll be the first one at her door to give advice, talk through problems, whatever; but I know that it’s also being supportive to let her sort out her mind in private without me adding my two cents all the time.
  8. I Don’t Vent To Other Friends. How I feel about my best friend’s relationship is between me and her, and no one else should be brought into it. Even though it can be hard to resist, talking about my issues with her boyfriend around other friends only stirs up drama and could really hurt her feelings if my words got back to her. Out of respect for my BFF, I hold back my opinions and don’t let them turn into gossip.
  9. I Keep An Open Mind. As much as I can be bull-headed sometimes, I’ve learned to never assume anything about a person without knowing them myself. No, I’m not particularly thrilled about their relationship, but I support him as an extension of my friend. I want him to grow, mature and let life’s lessons change him in a positive way. I don’t want to be negative towards him or write him off as a lost cause. Even though I’m cautiously optimistic, I AM optimistic and want to help him grow into a better man.
  10. I Respect Her Decisions. I know now that there’s a place for an opinion and a place for letting your friends figure things out on their own. I’ll never be shy about telling her what I think about the man in her life because I want the best for her, but there’s a point where I have to back down and let her figure out what’s best for her on her own. Not only is she an incredible catch, she’s also intelligent and capable of navigating her choices wisely. If I know that about her, I have to believe in her and support her in that journey.
Rodeo Athlete. Wife To A Cowboy. Fashionista. Taco Enthusiast.

I love old things and new places. I wear turquoise jewelry and a Midwest attitude. I can usually be found writing on rodeo fashion in Texas or making margaritas in my kitchen.