Don’t Be Disappointed We Didn’t Work Out When You Didn’t Even Try

It takes two to make a relationship work, but when it came to us, I was the only one doing the heavy lifting. You’re all bummed out now that I finally got sick of your laziness and left, but this is why I can’t be bothered to care about your hurt feelings:

  1. I made all the moves. Everything that happened between us was because of my efforts. I was the one who asked you out. If we texted, it was because I messaged you. If we hung out, it was because I asked you to. If you really wanted things to work out between us, you sure didn’t act like it. Instead, you made me look desperate and then wondered why I eventually just gave up.
  2. I was never sure what you wanted. One minute I was “wife material” and the next you were awkwardly ending our text conversations by writing “lol” instead of legitimate responses. I could never figure out if you actually wanted to be with me or just wanted to be rid of me. Once things ended, you acted like I was “the one that got away”, but during the time we actually spent together, you acted like you couldn’t care less if I stayed or left.
  3. I’d rather have nothing if you won’t give your all. I don’t half-ass anything, and I don’t accept the same lackluster effort from the people I surround myself with. I go all-in when it comes to my relationships, and since you showed me you weren’t willing to do the same, it was better for me to set you aside and make room for someone else who would actually act like he gave a damn about me. The bare minimum just doesn’t cut it with me, and I’m sorry it took this to make you figure that out.
  4. You didn’t communicate. It would’ve been great if you’d just told me what you wanted from me, but instead, you just kept stringing me along and leaving me wondering where we stood. If you’d let me know that you just weren’t ready for a relationship or that you wanted to take things slow, I would’ve understood. But apparently, opening your mouth and using your words was more effort than I deserved.
  5. I had to stick up for myself. I’m willing to put in a LOT of work for a relationship, but only up to a certain point. There came a time when I realized that you weren’t going to try to make me happy, so I had to do it for myself. After all, I was putting in all the work anyway. Letting you go really sucked, but it wouldn’t have needed to happen if you hadn’t made me feel so alone in the first place.
  6. You dragged your feet. I don’t expect immediate commitment from any guy, but you seemed extra reluctant to create anything serious between us. I, of all people, understand that it takes a serious mental and emotional adjustment to get your head in the right place for a serious relationship, but that’s the kind of work you have to put in when you really like someone. You weren’t willing to do that, and the fact that you regret it now is your problem, not mine.
  7. You gave up too easily. Any time we disagreed, you sure found it easy to just throw your hands up and walk away instead of talking things out with me like an adult. I should’ve left right then and there, but I’m not the type to give up on someone just because things aren’t going exactly the way I want them to. Maybe if you’d actually worked with me to fix the cracks we had, you wouldn’t be missing me right now.
  8. I couldn’t let you set such a horrible standard for a relationship. If things were that bad in the beginning, I knew they weren’t going to get any better. We were in the supposed “honeymoon” stage of a relationship when everything is supposed to be sunshine and rainbows. If you’d given up on trying to win me over so early on, I knew that all I had to look forward to with you was a steady decrease of effort from your side of the relationship. I feel bad that it took me leaving to teach you the lesson you needed to learn, but I had no other choice.
  9. I refuse to go back and forth. The push and pull of a partner who only makes an effort when he’s about to lose me isn’t my thing. I’m not a fishing lure that you can cast out and reel back in at will. I like consistency, and I wasn’t getting that from you. Giving a crap only when you realize that I have one foot out the door is lazy. Relationships are marathons, not sprints, and you rested for way too long before you finally decided to run.
  10. I’d rather be with someone who knows what he has while he has it. You might’ve realized you messed up once I was already fed up with your BS, but that wasn’t the right time to start begging for me to come back. I made an effort to make things work from the very beginning because I really thought you were worth my while, and you should’ve done the same if you really liked me. I know my worth, and if you only figured it out once I was gone, that’s your problem, not mine.
Averi is a word nerd and Brazilian jiu jitsu brown belt. She's also a TEFL/TESOL-certified ESL teacher and an equine enthusiast. Originally from Pennsylvania, she lived in Costa Rica for a while before moving to Australia. In addition to her work as a writer and editor for Bolde, she also has bylines with Little Things and regularly writes for Jiu-Jitsu Times.

You can follow Averi on Instagram @bjjaveri or on Twitter under the same handle.