Please Don’t Be That Girl, The Kind That Thinks She *Needs* A Guy To Be Happy & Fulfilled

Whether you’re single, dating, or in a serious relationship, maintaining your independence and being true to who you are is the key to genuine, lasting happiness that you’re in complete control of. That’s why falling into the trap of needing a man will never work out in the long run.

You’re confirming stereotypes.

While womankind is out there fighting uphill battles against sexism in the job market and gender stereotypes that assume women are the “weaker” sex, you’re playing into the misogynistic view that no woman is complete without a man. We need all the help we can get to break down double standards and gender biases, so why not contribute to the cause by being the type of woman who can stand on her own two feet?

You’ll lose a little respect.

  Strong women know it’s not always easy to do everything on your own, but they also know it’s worth it and they respect the ones who put in the work. We’ve all gone down the bad relationship road at some point, but you have to respect yourself enough to know when you deserve more. Needing a guy means you don’t really believe you can be fine without one–and the truth is, you totally can be.

Being self-sufficient is actually pretty sexy to guys.

The best kinds of guys are the ones who like a strong, independent woman who is perfectly capable of anything from changing a tire to throwing a dinner party for 10 guests. Sure, guys say they like to feel needed, but when it comes right down to it, they want a partner, not someone they have to take care of 24/7.

You’ll attract the wrong kinds of men.

Low self-esteem is obvious to guys who are looking for a woman they can control and manipulate. How do you know if you have low self-esteem? If the thought of being alone is worse than the thought of being with a guy who is emotionally, mentally, or physically abusive, it’s time to rethink your priorities. As long as you keep putting up with bad behavior from guys, you’ll just keep attracting those same losers who don’t deserve you.

You won’t learn how to be alone.

Everyone is single at some point, even if it’s only for short periods of time. If you always have a new guy on deck so you don’t have to spend more than a couple weeks on your own, how do you know if you’re even capable of taking care of yourself? The thought of being single is a lot scarier if you’ve never really experienced it.

How will you figure out what you want?

Sometimes being alone is the best time to figure out who you are and what you want in a partner. If you’re always with someone, you never have the chance to reflect on past relationships and maybe actually miss being with someone. Instead, you’ll just adapt to whoever it is you’re with and never learn to hold out for what will make you the happiest.

You might come off as clingy.

You don’t need a guy to have a great Saturday night with your friends, right? If you do, that might be a bit of a problem. Wanting to spend all your time together is sweet at first, but you can’t maintain that. You need to have your own lives or your relationship will never last. Give him his space sometimes and enjoy having yours as well–you’ll both be happier that way.

You’ll end up settling and being bitter about it.

Chances are, if you can’t stand to be alone you’re going to end up in relationships with guys who are totally wrong for you. You deserve a guy who treats you with respect and really gets you–but sometimes that’s not easy to find. You have to be willing to hold out for it and being incapable of being on your own will make that a lot more difficult.

Needing implies you have no choice.

It’s totally healthy and normal to want a guy in your life to hang out with, cuddle with, and take as your plus one to weddings. Loving someone means you want them around and you want to work things out even when it’s hard. If you need him, you might feel like you have no choice but to stay in an unhappy situation–and you should never feel like you don’t have a choice.

You only think you need a man.

If you didn’t have a guy, the world wouldn’t end. You would continue going to work, cooking dinner, making plans with your friends and going to yoga class. It’s actually no effort at all to be single and that’s the best part. You just have to live your life and do what you want and voila: you suddenly realize you’re doing just fine without a man–you just have to give it a chance.

It will only get worse as you get older.

Being single in your twenties is the best time to be single. You get to date around, have plenty of time for yourself, your friends and your career, and figure out exactly what it is you’re looking for. There’s no rush. If you can’t be without a guy then, you’re going to have an even harder time when you’re older and everyone you know is coupled up. If you focus on yourself first, you’ll never have to approach dating from a “I need to find someone before it’s too late” perspective.

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