Don’t Be So Negative About Dating — Read This Instead

For better or worse, you’re single. Maybe you’re nursing a broken heart from a bad breakup, maybe you’ve managed to escape a toxic relationship, or maybe you’re just plain tired of dating asshats. Whatever the reason may be, you’ve lost hope in ever finding real and lasting love. It’s totally understandable, but stop right there. Before you write off finding love for good, here are a few reasons to hang in there:

  1. YOU DON’T HAVE TO REPEAT THE SAME MISTAKES. Do you have a penchant for unemployed artist types that end up crashing at your place and sleeping all day instead of getting up and working? You don’t have to. If you’re aware of your past mistakes in the dating department, you don’t have to take those failures into your future. Change your approach and you’ll likely change your results.
  2. YOU’RE MORE RESILIENT THAN YOU KNOW. Leo Tolstoy, bad ass Russian writer and philosopher, remarked over a hundred years ago, “Only people who are capable of loving strongly can also suffer great sorrow, but this same necessity of loving serves to counteract their grief and heals them.” ‘Nuff said. Now get back out there and put that heart on the line — eventually, it really will pay off and all the bad stuff will be worth it.
  3.  No one succeeds on their first try. Think about a relationship you haven’t learned something about yourself from. The ability to take what you’ve learned in the past and apply it to a future relationship increases your odds of success. Only you know your weak points, you know what you need, and you know your hang-ups. No one finds love on the first try. It takes the failures to build you up and get you ready for success.
  4.  YOU KNOW WHAT YOU WANT NOW. Maybe you used to think a handsome face and a fat wallet was all you needed to make you happy in a relationship. You now know that sleeping with him won’t get you girlfriend status, that chemistry is more important than a chiseled jaw, and that you’re not going to settle for ho-hum again.
  5. YOU JUST NEVER KNOW. Life is full of surprises and love can show up when we least expect it. The human heart is a resilient organ that has the ability to come alive even after it’s been shattered to pieces. Imagine your surprise when the most unexpected guy picks up those slivers of your heart. It could happen, but you’ll never know if you give up now.
  6. YOU’RE DOING The Right Guy A DISSERVICE. Somewhere out there, there’s a guy who is shaking his head in disbelief at his own string of lame-o dates or mending from his own heartache. He’s looking for YOU. Yes, YOU. There’s someone out there right now who is waiting to love those quirks, that style, and that adorable charm you’ve got going on. Don’t let him down.
  7. YOUR SINGLEHOOD TAUGHT YOU VALUABLE LESSONS. Being single taught you that you enjoyed your own company, that you really didn’t like that annoying band you’ve been hanging onto since high school, and that you could totally be content even when you didn’t have a cuddle partner every night. This knowledge will come in handy for your next relationship: the better you know yourself, the better you can communicate this to your partner.
  8. YOUR EXPECTATIONS ARE MORE REALISTIC NOW. Remember that time you got involved with a perfect guy and you lived happily ever after in your perfect little fairy tale world? Oh yeah, that never happened. Life experience gives us an invaluable gift: reality. You have that now. Use it.
  9. YOU’LL MISS OUT. Opening yourself up after heartbreak is scary and may make you want to run for the hills, but you know what’s scarier? NOT opening up and becoming bitter, alone and watching Netflix every night with your 12 cats. The risk is worth the reward.
  10. LOVE IS WORTH IT. Whoever told you love wasn’t easy lied to your pretty little face. But hey, life isn’t easy either, is it? We are wired for love; we are drawn to others for a reason, no matter how hard it gets. Love is beautiful and when you’ve found the real thing, you’ll agree: it was worth the wait, the frustration and all of those late night pints of Ben & Jerry’s.
  11. YOU ARE WORTH IT. You are strong, smart, beautiful and just plain awesome. You’re worth having that recognition from a man; you’re worth attention, you’re worth kindness and you’re worth LOVE. So hold that head up high, don’t lose faith and hang on just a while longer.
Lauren is a freelance writer living in New Jersey. When she's not deeply immersed in pondering the cosmos, you'll find her hiking a mountain, reading something philosophical, or dancing in her underwear. Read more of her existential musings at