If You Don’t Believe Good Guys Exist, You’ll Never Find One

Love sometimes just happens—you meet a great guy when you least expect it—but often, you’ve got to get out there and make it happen. Your views and beliefs play a more significant role in this than you might think. Here are 14 reasons you’ve got to believe good guys are out there if you want to find one.

  1. You attract what you believe. Oprah Winfrey once said, “You don’t become what you want—you become what you believe.” The same applies to finding a great guy. If you don’t believe he’s out there, you won’t find him. Start keeping an eye out for great guys instead of toxic ones—you find what you look for!
  2. You can’t expect all your dates to go bad. If you expect every guy you meet to be a jerk, you’ll go on first dates waiting for that to happen. The result? You don’t give guys a chance to show you what they’re really like and you’ll potentially miss out on a really great one.
  3. You could become bitter. Spend enough time thinking all guys are cheats or toxic and guess what—you’ll start to be really negative about dating. This will show in your body language and maybe even a resting bitch face, which will repel any good guys who saw you at the bar and wanted to come over and say hi… but then thought they’d better not risk their lives.
  4. Good guys aren’t special. If you believe that good guys don’t exist, you’re elevating them to a rare, almost extinct and special species. Um, they’re just guys! It’s not like finding a decent dude is some sort of achievement, so don’t think that since you can’t meet one there’s something wrong with you. Believing such BS could actually prevent you from getting with the good guys because you’re sending out “I’m not worthy” signals.
  5. The past won’t always repeat itselfMaybe you’ve had really crappy experiences in the past with toxic guys and perhaps you’re afraid of getting with those men again because it feels like they’re everywhere. This is just your perception because you’re looking at the world from behind a lens of pain and heartache.
  6. Be logical. Let’s think logically for a second: you’re a great catch, right? Yes. So then that means logically there has to be a great man out there. There are over seven billion people in the world—it’s crazy to think you can’t find one good guy, for God’s sake.
  7. All men are not jerks. Yes, there are loads of no-good men out there, but not all of them deserve to be lumped into the same category. That would be like saying all women are gold diggers and they’re not.
  8. Do you feel you deserve love? Sometimes you say you don’t think good guys exist but really what you’re saying is that you’ll never find one. They exist for your friends but not for you. Sound familiar? The truth is that you’ve got to believe that good guys are out there and then you’ve got to believe that you deserve a great love. If you can do that, then you’re going to attract men who meet your expectations.
  9. Don’t stop trying. If you keep believing that good men are extinct, you’ll stop trying to find them. Don’t do that! Although you shouldn’t try so hard to find a great boyfriend, you should always broaden your horizons and try new places to meet different guys. You never know when a great one will pop up.
  10. Don’t give bad guys greater value than they deserve. You know when you watch the news and afterwards feel like the world is full of bad people? The news doesn’t often show the really amazing people that are out there, but they ARE out there. In the same way, your relationship résumé and all the bad guys you’ve met don’t overshadow the good ones that you’re yet to meet. In fact, all it takes is one good guy to show you why things never worked out with all those losers you dated.
  11. Prince Charming is holding you back. One of the things that could prevent you from finding a great guy is the idea of what you expect him to be. Your match might not be tall, dark and handsome, but he might be even better than a cliche! He could be someone who makes you laugh, mentally challenges you and gives you the best sex of your life. If you’re looking for Prince Charming, then you might as well be looking for a dinosaur. Who would want him anyway? He’s boring AF. There are much more interesting good men out there.
  12. You risk settling. Sometimes a weird thing happens when you think no good guys are left. You end up settling for guys who are bad for you because you figure it’s your only chance to have a relationship or get married. This is total BS! By sticking with someone who’s not right for you, you’re blocking out any better opportunities.
  13. You could become way too demanding. You need to stick to your standards, but you don’t need to become impossibly fussy about guys you date. If you do this, such as by specifying the exact height you want a guy to be or that it’s a deal-breaker if he doesn’t cook, you’re not only preventing yourself from meeting men who could actually satisfy you more than your ridiculous specifications but you’re also self-sabotaging. You’re saying that guys who meet all your finicky expectations don’t exist, and you’re right. How can anyone meet all 2000 of your expectations? Go easier on your “perfect guy list” so you don’t eliminate good guys.
  14. The good men aren’t all taken. It’s easy to think that all the good guys must already have girlfriends when you can’t seem to meet a decent single guy out there, but consider this—if all the good guys were already in relationships, there wouldn’t be so many guys on dating apps. In fact, research shows that Tinder has about seven million monthly users, and approximately half of them are men.
Jessica Blake is a writer who loves good books and good men, and realizes how difficult it is to find both.