I Don’t Believe In Having Guy Friends When I’m In A Relationship

I don’t believe men and women can be just friends, except for rare circumstances. Even then, I’m skeptical of those circumstances. I keep my guy friends exclusively to the men my girlfriends are dating or married to. It just doesn’t make sense to develop such difficult friendships. Here are just a few reasons why I don’t even bother making friends with men.

  1. Guys Probably Don’t Want To Be Your Friend. – I’ve always wanted a guy friend, but they don’t want to be mine. Every time I think I have a guy friend, they either stop talking to me when I start dating someone or they hit on me. Since all the guys I meet either want to date or not talk at all, I don’t even waste my time trying to make friends with them. Why invest my time in cultivating a relationship when they other person is just waiting for me to be single? Is it truly a friendship if there are romantic feelings on one side? Probably not.
  2. It’s A Slippery Slope. – Befriending males can easily develop into something more. Feelings get in the way, and offhand comments can be taken the wrong way. Maybe you’re at a bar and you pretend to be dating so other men don’t hit on you. Even little things like that add up and make you wonder. The other issue is, you don’t know their true intention for befriending you. What are their real motivations? In my eyes, the intention is just as important as the action.
  3. Breeding Ground For Emotional Affair. – The great Cassanova was such a lady killer because he simply listened to women. When your relationship hits hard times, it’s common to want a male perspective, perhaps from a male friend. Listening and compassion from men blur will emotional boundaries. When you feel your SO isn’t listening but you find another guy who does, that can be powerful. You can become dependent on that person for male attention and it will affect your relationship. That is the gateway to an emotional affair, and it’s an easy trap to fall into.
  4. Potential One-Sided Attraction. – This is an age-old problem, aka the Friend Zone. Someone, somewhere along the way got tripped up. This can lead to one person trying to sabotage the other’s relationship. You trust this person for advice when they have an ulterior motive. Their personal interests are not always in your best interests. That dynamic can ruin the relationships of all parties involved. If one person admits those feelings to the other, it can make them question their relationships, their lives, etc. Admitting your feelings to someone else may be romantic, but it is also selfish.
  5. Random Comments That Confuse Things. –  Perhaps you get carried away while laughing and riffing off each other. Maybe it’s a stare held just a little longer than normal. A random comment that could mean more and you wonder what it meant. That sh*t can screw with your head. It can change your dynamic. Ever had a guy tell you about a sexy dream they had with you? Things change after that. A little curiosity can set those wheels in motion.
  6. It Can Cause Tension With Your SO. – It doesn’t take a particularly jealous boyfriend to raise an eyebrow at a male friend. Guys know the intention of other guys. It gets worse when you’re married, too. Pair that with the edge of an emotional affair and the issues start compounding. It probably won’t go well when you fight with your S.O. and you raise a point your male friend made. Female friends can do similar damage, without a doubt. But the tension is different with male friends, it’s more complicated when your guy knows there is a chance your friend likes you. The possibility still hangs there. Unless you are hanging out with your boyfriend and your male friend together, it’s not a good idea to keep him as close.
  7. It Can Cause Tension With His SO. – Just as men can get suspicious, so can women. Texting or hanging out alone with your guy friend can look shady as hell. How would it look to you if your boyfriend was texting a female friend? It might make you wonder, even if you have platonic male friends yourself. Their partner can justifiably ask that they end that friendship with you. While that can happen with female friendships, the reason behind it is different. I’ve seen this happen with many of my girlfriends. They want their boyfriend to stop texting or hanging out with female friends. Probably because they know women can hold feelings for men in relationships too. It goes both ways after all.
  8. It Gets Complicated. – All these variables make it comlicated AF. Juggling dynamics and trying to manage the potential for feelings is exhausting. Why even start that mess when it can be avoided? At the very least, those male friendships can be deprioritized when you get into a relationship. You basically have to mitigate your friendships when you start dating someone or if the guy starts dating someone. With female friends, nothing changes. Maybe we see each other less, but it’s still cool to hang out alone.
  9. There’s Always Gossip and Comments. – Having a male friend always opens up comments about “maybe there’s something there.” Or an elbow nudge and eyebrow raise with a “just a friend, huh?” The more you argue against it, the more a lady doth protest too much. This is because many people don’t think men and women can be just friends, probably from direct life experience. Having male friends invites those comments and those can also screw with your head.
  10. Even Studies Say It’s A Problematic. – The science backs up that while men and women can be friends, it is significantly more complicated than same-sex friendships. According to research, men are more likely to have romantic feelings for their female friends. This was regardless of relationship status and often, men assumed their female friend felt the same. You can swear up and down that a guy is just a friend, but does he really feel the same? The study also reports that guys would be comfortable about making a move, again, regardless of relationship status. If you think your guy friend is just your friend, it’s probably not as friendly as you would think.


Kim is living, working, and enjoying every minute of living in Seattle. She enjoys sewing random patterns from Pinterest, sleeping, and takes quite the fancy to audio books. She hopes to upheave her career path one day, but in the meantime, she is content with her 9 to 5 grind while freelance writing on the side.