I Don’t Blame The “Other Woman” For Your Betrayal — I Blame You

I Don’t Blame The “Other Woman” For Your Betrayal — I Blame You ©iStock/BraunS

You cheated on me with another woman and I should hate her for it, right? Well, it might take two to tango, but your betrayal wasn’t her decision. I refuse to blame the “other woman.” In fact, the only person I find responsible here is you. Here’s why:

  1. She doesn’t even know me. Maybe her careless actions had a major effect on my life but that’s not really her fault, it’s yours. She’s not the person who knew me. She wasn’t in a relationship with me. Did she even know about me or was your act of betrayal a secret to her too? I don’t know the full story here, so I’m not passing any judgment on your partner in crime.
  2. Even if she knew about me, she doesn’t really owe me anything. It’s not like we were friends. Sure, I wish she would have taken a little more pride in sisterhood, but at the end of the day, it was still nothing personal on her end. I could have been anybody. She didn’t go after you because you were my boyfriend. She fell for your charm and I can’t really blame her because I fell for it too.
  3. She never promised to be faithful to me. You did, and so much for that sentiment. I believed you when you promised to be exclusive, loyal and to love me and only me. I was such a fool, but my foolishness isn’t her fault. The only person who betrayed me here was you.
  4. This wasn’t a game and we weren’t in competition. You might think that we’re competitors, but that’s not the way I see it. You were supposed to be on my team but you let me down. She wasn’t even a player in our arena until you brought her in, and now I don’t care if she stays because either way, I’m out. I’m done with this game.
  5. You made your own choices. She didn’t trick you into bed. She didn’t force you to cheat on me. This isn’t her fault. No one was holding a gun to your head. You can’t blame her, me or even the alcohol. This was your decision and that means you and I have one thing in common — the only person we can blame here is you.
  6. You knew your actions would hurt me. Maybe she knew about me, but since we never met, I wasn’t exactly “real” to her. You, on the other hand, knew me better than just about anyone else. Maybe it wasn’t your intention to hurt me, but the fact is you still knew it would hurt me and you did it anyway, which leads me to believe you just didn’t care.
  7. It’s not her fault, but I still forgive her. Whether or not she knew what she was doing, I forgive her for the part she played in the demise of our relationship. It wasn’t her responsibility to protect me, but she was still a factor in your betrayal. Our breakup wasn’t her fault, but she did contribute. So I’ll forgive her, but I’m not ready to forgive you.
  8. Being angry at her doesn’t mean you’re off the hook. How am I supposed to hate a woman I don’t even know? I can’t throw darts if I don’t even know what my target looks like. We’ve never met and I’m not going to waste my time hating an anonymous girl. Who knows, we may have actually liked each other or even been friends under different circumstances. After all, we do have something in common — we both fell for a douchebag like you.
  9. Take responsibility for your actions. She wasn’t a part of our relationship, but you brought her into it — I’m just taking her out of the blame. At the end of the day, the choice to cheat on me was yours, so don’t blame her. You need to take responsibility for the fact that you hurt me and that your actions are the reason we’re not together anymore. This is your fault, so just own up to it.
  10. You were supposed to love me. She wasn’t the one who told me those three fateful words. Love is supposed to be selfless, but cheating on me was the most selfish you’ve ever been. She didn’t have a responsibility to love me or even care about me. I’m blaming the person who did, and that person is you.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.