Don’t Bother Dating Me If You’re Not Ready For An Adult Relationship

Some people are fine with casual, shallow relationships, but I don’t have time for that. What I’m looking for in a partner means so much more, but not everyone is willing to do what it takes to develop that connection. If you’re not willing to go the distance in a relationship, I’m not the girl for you.

  1. I don’t have time for fake. We can sit and have small talk all day, but I’ll get bored really quickly. I want to be real and see you for what you really are while also showing you who I am. Come as you are, or don’t come at all.
  2. I don’t want to be your booty call. Sure, we can connect physically, but don’t treat me like some sort of booty call. Besides, I want a deep connection that’s more about intimacy than just sex.
  3. I don’t want to keep things light. You might say we’re “casually dating” but all I hear is that you don’t want anything substantial. When it comes to the love buffet, I’m all about eating rich foods that leave me satisfied. I want a relationship I can dig my teeth into and that will mean something at the end of the day —not leave me hungry and feeling empty.
  4. I want to share. I want to invest in something real. To do that, I need to know that you are keen to share what’s important to you with me, like your dreams for the future. That’s how I really get to know someone, and if I’m dating you, then I want to have those deep conversations.
  5. I want to have support. I don’t want to be in a relationship that doesn’t offer support for both partners. I need to know that we’re a team and that we care deeply for each other. If we’re just hanging out and you’re not replying to my urgent texts when I need someone, then you should get out.
  6. I want to build something that will last. Lots of relationships are like sand castles — they look cool, but they’re really just waiting to get smashed, and it happens so easily. I don’t want those kinds of relationships. I want to build a partnership that stands the test of time. If you’re in it, then you’ve got to be in it completely.
  7. I value a mental and emotional connection. We can hit the dance floor all night or go do fun stuff on our dates, but honestly, I also need time to sit and chat. We can have amazing sex, but there are times when I also need to be affectionate without us taking our clothes off, such as by just cuddling or kissing. It’s that deeper mental and emotional connection that makes us get closer.
  8. I need you to take off your masks. If you’re the kind of guy who wears a lot of masks, like you’re trying to be who you think I want instead of who you really are, you’re going to have to bare your true self when you get to know me. I don’t want to see your best self only — I want to see you on an off day. That’s important to me so we can be real and connect on a deeper level.
  9. I need to be able to trust you. Trust is a must for a deep, fulfilling relationship, and I need to be able to trust you. How can I do that if we’re not getting deep with each other, and if we’re not taking the time to get to know each other on a real level?
  10. I need to know you’re ready for commitment. As a deep woman, I don’t feel fear about getting closer to someone, and I want a partner who’s the same as me. I want you to want to take the risk of having an amazing relationship and baring your soul without freaking out. I don’t have time for immaturity.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.
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