I Don’t Care About Being “Hot,” I Care About Being Real

I’ve spent way too much time in my life dolling myself up in an effort to be seen as “hot.” I cared way too much what others thought of me and I was devastated when someone didn’t like me or didn’t think I was attractive. It was exhausting. Now, I try to be real instead of trying to be “hot” and life is so much better because of it.

  1. I just want to be myself. I don’t want to adjust myself to fit anyone else’s idea of what beauty is. I just want to dress how I want to dress and be how I want to be. Being myself is the greatest feeling of all because I know that I’m not selling out, I’m being true. It’s important to me because I matter. My values matter. Throwing them away to be arbitrarily “good looking” according to someone else’s ideals is total BS.
  2. Things like makeup aren’t everything to me. Don’t get me wrong, I love to doll myself up on occasion and do regularly wear makeup. It’s just that I’m not using it out of a sense of insecurity. I know that I’m beautiful with or without makeup. I don’t need to wear it to try to be hotter for someone else. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with makeup, I just often see girls who can’t live without it and it makes me wonder what’s behind it.
  3. I’m not interested in changing my behavior. There are tons of books and articles out there telling you exactly how to behave to get a man. They’re telling you how to have the most attractive behavior possible at any cost. For me, this would cost me my dignity and that cost is far too steep. I’m just not interested in changing my behavior for the sole purpose of being more attractive. I’ll take being unattractive to some people, thanks.
  4. This means that I’m imperfect and messy. I’m totally OK with being imperfect and messy. I’d so much rather be real than have a facade. Then, real often looks like a human being. My hair’s a mess sometimes, I’m “overweight,” and I’m often lazy with my clothes. I’m OK with all of this. It’s just part of being a human. I’m not a total mess, just enough that it’s laughable and imperfect.
  5. Vulnerability is hard but worth it. Sure, I’m casually saying things like I often don’t wear makeup and I’m OK being heavier than the ideal girl, but these things are not easy to say or do. In reality, being real is very, very challenging sometimes. It means I have to be comfortable enough in my own skin to let everyone else see who I really am. Even though it’s difficult, it’s totally worth it.
  6. It’s not that looks don’t matter. Looks totally matter. I don’t have my head in the sand. It’d be stupid to say otherwise because we’re genetically trained to find the most suitable partner via looks. They matter and it’s OK to care about them. I guess what I’m saying is I’m attractive for myself. I don’t do it for anyone else.
  7. Hot and real aren’t mutually exclusive. Don’t get me wrong, I love being attracted to someone and thinking they’re sexy. I also love when someone is attracted to me. Being “hot” and being real can absolutely happen at the same time. I can be attractive and be a genuine person. When I say “hot” with quotations, I’m more meaning the BS societal ideals that women are expected to uphold.
  8. Focusing on being hot attracts the wrong people. If I put myself together to be everything that I’m not, I’m going to attract people that are just totally wrong for me. They’ll be attracted to the outside me and they may run the other direction when I reveal the inside me.
  9. Being real weeds people out very quickly. Since I’m unwilling to conform to what others want from me, people are weeded out fast. In dating, I’m sure I weed people out right away. This isn’t a bad thing, it’s actually a great thing! It means I won’t be stuck with someone who isn’t a good match for me. Instead, they’ll get weeded right out and they can find what they’re looking for elsewhere.
  10. My ways attract the right people for me. Being willing to stick to the person that I am means that I’m a super magnet for people who actually like me for me. They’re my kind of people who are usually also very genuine.
  11. If being real means I’m single that’s OK too. Just so you know, I’m not swimming in dating requests but I’m also not destitute. I’m doing just fine, but I’m single. Some of this may be because I’m unwilling to conform to society’s idea of what women should and shouldn’t do, say, or look like. I’m totally fine with this. It’s actually wildly empowering to be single because I refuse to settle.
Ginelle has been writing professionally for more than six years and has a bachelor’s degree in digital marketing & design. Her writing has appeared on Birdie, Thought Catalog, Tiny Buddha and more. You can follow her on Instagram @ginelletesta, via her Facebook page, or through her website at ginelletesta.com.