I Don’t Chase Men — You’ll Have To Try A Little Harder If You Want To Be With Me

It’s great that so many women feel comfortable initiating things in their dating lives, but I’m not one of them. Since chasing men in the past has yielded me nothing but disappointment, this is why from now on, I’m letting the guys do the heavy lifting in the beginning:

  1. Making the first move always fails me. I often get impatient because men never hit on me, so I decide I might as well hit on them instead. Terrible idea. Either they aren’t interested or they make me do all the work in the relationship from then on out. I have no energy for one-sided dating. From now on, I’m going to wait for a guy who makes his intentions clear.
  2. I’m a bit too forward. I have a strong personality as it is, so when I pursue men, it apparently comes across as too aggressive. I know I shouldn’t be worried about intimidating guys, but even I can admit that when I take the lead, I go in head-first. I’m sure there are some women out there who can be the initiator without being too forward, but I still need to work on my approach.
  3. I need to know he isn’t passive. I just can’t anymore. I end up with passive boyfriends time and time again, possibly because they’re naturally attracted to my strength and independence. I think it’s also because I do all the work for them, so I’m going to be patient and wait for a man who puts in his fair share of effort, too.
  4. I only want a man who’s really into me. I’ve dated guys in the past who tried to excuse their behavior by accusing me of “making” them date me. Are you kidding? Give me a friggin’ break. You’re an adult. I can’t deal with that sort of immature copout, so I’m going to make damn sure the next guy I date is unquestionably interested in me.
  5. If he won’t even make an effort in the beginning, I know he won’t later. It’s not going to get any better. I know from experience. I’ve chased passive men and hoped that they would eventually care about me enough to make an effort, but that’s not how it works. They aren’t going to magically change their way of being. I can’t do it anymore — I want someone who thinks I’m worth pursuing now and forever.
  6. I’m looking for someone ambitious and committed. I always end up with guys who disappoint me, but what more can I expect from a man I had to chase? No thanks. I want a guy who knows what he’s doing and what he wants — and I want to know that includes me. I’m done with games and almost-relationships.
  7. I want his time and appreciation, not his money. Trying hard doesn’t mean buying me presents when he screws up; it means caring enough to make me feel like a priority in his life. Money means nothing to me. I want him to have enough to support himself, of course, but I won’t be bought. That’s not what I’m about. I’m about a relationship that’s emotionally solid.
  8. I need to see that he’s confident and strong. There’s a fine line between confidence and arrogance. I can tell the difference now. I want a man who isn’t a jackass, but has a quiet, calm strength that gives him the guts to go after me. I won’t mess with insecure men who don’t know who they are. If he can’t approach me in the beginning, I’m over it.
  9. I’ve gotten pretty cynical, so I need a man to prove he wants me. Sorry, but my past experiences jaded me. Don’t blame me — blame the sub-par men who made me this way. After giving too many men the benefit of the doubt when they simply didn’t deserve it, I’m now quite difficult to impress. The guy I end up with will be the guy who has no problem going above and beyond to show he knows my value.
  10. I’m worth the effort. It’s so frustrating to know that I have so much to offer, but I’m still single because I can’t find a guy who appreciates me. I know it’s not always easy to be the pursuer instead of the pursued, but if I found a guy who was willing to try for me, I’d prove to him right away that I was worth it.
A former actress who has always loved the art of the written word, Amy is excited to be here sharing her stories! She just completed her first novel, and is also a contributor for Elite Daily, Dirty & Thirty, and Thought Catalog. Amy is the founder of What If Journey and can be found on Twitter @amyhorton18. You can also visit her website at amyhorton.net.