I Don’t Come Crawling Back — If You Dump Me, It’s Over

When someone breaks up with you, it’s tempting to wonder if there’s any way you can win him back. But after a while, you get used to living without him and move on with your life… and it’s usually right about that time that he realizes he made a huge mistake in letting you go. No matter how hard it may be to lose you, though, this is why I refuse to get back together with you if you change your mind about wanting to be with me:

  1. I move on quickly. By the time you realize you screwed up, I’ll have already mourned the loss of the relationship and continued on with my life. I spend a week at most allowing myself to be sad over a breakup, which is probably less time than it’s going to take for you to try to backpedal on your decision to dump me. Once I’m past that point, there’s no going back.
  2. Your regrets aren’t my problem. I couldn’t give less of a crap about how sorry you are. I told you that you were making a mistake as you dumped me, and you chose not to believe me. If you realize down the road that I was right all along, that’s something you’ll need to work out on your own. I have my own life to deal with, and once you’re my ex, your problems are no longer my concern.
  3. Screwing me over once is plenty enough. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, you’re dreaming. I’m a fast learner, and I only give out second chances when I know people deserve them. If you make a decision as big as ending a relationship with me, you’re not getting another shot. You’ve already proven that you can’t be trusted to stick around, and I’m not going to put my happiness in your hands ever again.
  4. My pride is important to me. I’d look like a straight-up idiot if I went back to you after you dumped me. My friends and family will have already heard about what a douchebag you were; they listened to me vent, they provided a shoulder for me to cry on, and they gave me the encouragement I needed to move on and never look back. I’d look weak if I returned to you after all that, and I’m not about be the laughing stock of my social circles just for a guy.
  5. I’m not going back to someone whose feelings are unreliable. If you really want a relationship to work, you’ll do whatever it takes to make it happen. Once you decide to end things, you’re sending the message that it’s over and done with. If you try to reverse such a drastic choice, all that tells me is that you’re constantly riding a roller coaster of emotions. I want to be with someone who KNOWS he wants me in his life, not someone who can’t figure out if I’m worth dating or not.
  6. I’d never be able to get over what you did. Let’s say for a second that I did decide to go back after you told me all the reasons why we just weren’t right for each other. Do you really think we’d be able to pretend all those words weren’t said? The damage has already been done, and I know I’d never be able to feel the same way for you if I decided to get back together with you. I’d always resent you for hurting me in the first place, and part of me would always be waiting for you to do it again.
  7. You can’t just cast me out and reel me in whenever you want. If you’re letting me go, you have to accept that it’s for real. You can’t just keep me on a leash and only let me out far enough to where you could call me back the moment you decided you missed me. I’ll stand by your side through anything and everything, but the second you tell me to go away, you have to accept that I’ll take it to heart.
  8. You need to suffer the consequences for your actions. Maybe I’m just petty, but I don’t feel satisfied when cause and effect don’t match up like they should. If you hurt me and later regret it, you need to suffer the way I suffered. Going back to you would just prove that you can do anything you want and get away with it, and even if I thought you were my soulmate, I wouldn’t let you get off that easily.
  9. I hate being sad for no reason. I always let myself feel everything I need to after a breakup. I’ll take some time to feel sorry for myself, cry a little, and eat my emotions. It’s part of the healing process, and I embrace it, but when it turns out that healing process wasn’t required in the first place, it pisses me off. If I spend a while being sad, I need to know that it was for good reason — I’d feel like an idiot if I reversed what made me sad in the first place and wasted all my tears on nothing.
  10. Nothing would change. If our relationship wasn’t right before, it’s not going to magically get fixed after we get back together. Regardless of how happy I was about it, our breakup happened for a reason. Just because you suddenly realized we were “meant to be” doesn’t mean that we’re going to develop amazing chemistry and communication skills. If we break up, I’d rather move on with my life and find someone better suited for me instead of trying to force a good relationship with a guy who once decided to give up on me.
Averi is a word nerd and Brazilian jiu jitsu brown belt. She's also a TEFL/TESOL-certified ESL teacher and an equine enthusiast. Originally from Pennsylvania, she lived in Costa Rica for a while before moving to Australia. In addition to her work as a writer and editor for Bolde, she also has bylines with Little Things and regularly writes for Jiu-Jitsu Times.

You can follow Averi on Instagram @bjjaveri or on Twitter under the same handle.