If You Don’t Want To Come Off As Needy & Insecure, Don’t Do These Things

Feeling lonely is normal — everyone feels it at some point in their lives — but it isn’t normal when that feeling branches off into neediness and it becomes someone else’s problem. You may not think twice about these behaviors, but doing them makes you look a bit desperate:

  1. Constantly complaining about your relationship. If you have so many problems with your guy that they frequently spill over into whiny conversations with your friends, you’re going to sound needy AF. It isn’t your friends’ job to make you feel better about disagreements you should have discussed with your partner in the first place. Getting them to agree with you about trivial BS just to make yourself feel better won’t get you anywhere.
  2. Seeking validation on social media. What do you hope to accomplish by posting a flawless, beautiful selfie online but writing, “I look so bad in this picture, LOL!” underneath it? What kind of person has time in their day to look for self-serving attention from people on the internet? A desperately lonely and needy person, that’s who.
  3. Asking your friends to set you up. Going out on a blind date set up by your friends every once in awhile is harmless, but repeatedly asking them to set you up makes you look a bit desperate. Think about it — asking your friends to set you up with single guys who might be compatible with you puts a lot of pressure on them. If they do know someone to introduce you to, there’s a lot of potential for things to go wrong. If crap goes south, the dynamics of your friend group might turn into a radioactive, awkward mess. You’re an adult and you’re more than capable of meeting men on your own without begging your friends to help you.
  4. Going through your boyfriend’s phone. You trust the guy, right? Splendid! Then there’s no need for you to look through his phone. Your past experiences aren’t his fault and it isn’t fair for you to project your insecurities onto him. If you trust each other but he’s still nervous about you digging through his phone, it’s probably because he Googled something embarrassing like “how to get rid of a tapeworm” or “where is the clitoris” and he doesn’t want you to see it.
  5. Complaining about your body. Being secure with your body is ultimately on you. Getting compliments is nice, but they shouldn’t be the only source of your confidence. At the end of the day, you’re the only one who has control over your body and you’re the only one who has the power to change it. If you don’t like something about your appearance, by all means, change it. Just don’t go looking for a self-esteem booster from people who really have no say in what you look like.
  6. Whining about being single. Oh no, not being single! That’s just as bad as nuclear war and bankruptcy and spiders! Holy crap, you’re fine. Being boyfriend-less isn’t a disease and you should probably consider yourself lucky that being single is the worst thing that has ever happened to you. If you can’t stand your own company for extended periods of time, a relationship should be the least of your worries.
  7. Never shutting up about past relationships. Everyone already knows that you broke up with that one guy seven years ago because he did terrible things and said terrible things and made you feel terrible. If you learned from that experience and moved on, all of that is irrelevant. You aren’t accomplishing anything by bringing up your past in every conversation you have… unless you actually intended to look lonely and needy. If that’s the case, then, uh, congratulations?
  8. Having ridiculously high standards. It isn’t a man’s job to “complete” you and fulfill all the arbitrary chick flick-inspired requirements that have rooted themselves in your head. Everyone should have some standards to filter out the undesirables, but if your standards are so insane that they are impossible for anyone to reach, you are a needy person and you should stop it.
  9. Throwing yourself at anyone with a pulse. Disregarding red flags and pursuing relationships or flings with sketchy people will never reflect well on you. Look at what you’re doing-you’re so lonely that you’re willing to ignore things that will likely hurt you and mess up your life. That ain’t right. Loneliness is fixable, and you should take care of it before you dig a hole that you can’t get out of.
  10. Expressing jealousy of your friends. What’s the point of telling someone that you’re jealous of them? To make them feel sorry for you? That won’t fix anything and it never will. When you’re a happy and fulfilled person, there will be no room in your life for jealousy. You should strive for happiness and fulfillment on your own instead of wasting time coveting what your friends have.
Lauren Clark is a writer and news curator based in Denver, Colorado with bylines here on Bolde and at Inside.com. While she’s vehemently anti-social media, you can find her on LinkedIn.