I Don’t Compete With Other Women For A Guy

It’s not exactly fun when a guy you’re crushing on can’t decide if he wants to be with you or someone else, so I understand why some women might feel the urge to fight against each other in order to win a man over. But personally, I’d rather just let go of a guy like that and move on to someone who has no doubt that he wants to be with me.

  1. If he really likes me, I’ll know. A guy who encourages or allows animosity to exist between two women is just using them both to give his ego a major boost. He isn’t really interested in either of them, because if he were, he would’ve made his move ages ago. He’s simply enjoying the attention too much, and let’s face it: he’s amused when women turn on each other instead of acknowledging his share of blame.
  2. Guys in a similar case show each other solidarity. When a woman is being chased by two guys, a lot of men have their own “code of honor”— they may confront each other at some point, but ultimately, they both usually realize the woman is wasting their time. Why can’t we women do the same?
  3. I know my worth, and I value myself too much to put up with this crap. I deserve a guy who knows what he wants, and if he doesn’t, I’m not going to waste time fighting with another girl to win his affection. If he can’t decide, that’s his loss, not mine.
  4. A guy is a human being, not a prize to be won.  I refuse to make myself feel like I’m to blame for every guy that doesn’t like me enough to pick me over another woman. Moreover, “winning over” a man shouldn’t be seen as a goal for any woman nowadays, and a guy who sees himself as a reward isn’t the guy I’d like to date.
  5. It’s not my job to fight her — it’s his job to fight for me. When someone’s attractive, of course they’re going to draw constant attention from the opposite sex. Am I supposed to fight every woman that comes his way? If he wants me around, he’ll be the one to tell other women that he’s taken. If not, he’s clearly not as into it as he should be.
  6. Blaming another woman for his failures isn’t right. Maybe he’s a commitment-phobe or still hung up on his ex. Whatever his deal is, it has nothing to do with me, or her. Even if he seems to have some serious hesitation about whether he should pursue me or another woman, it’s not right to pin all the blame on anyone but him.
  7. I refuse to make her a problem in my life. I have my own problems, and I refuse to deliberately open the door for her in my life to become yet another one. Moreover, acknowledging that she’s the obstacle to my happiness is just not true.
  8. I have more important things to fight for. I fight every day for my career goals, the people I love, and to survive in a crazy world. Refusing to compete with another woman for a guy who might never become my boyfriend doesn’t make me a coward or a pushover, but someone with straight priorities. In life we choose our battles, and mine are all about important things that really matter to me.
  9. If she wants him she can have him. Heck, why not? Is he really such a big catch? There’s no man on the planet worth that kind of stress, and besides, even if he did “choose” me at the end, I’d constantly be wondering if she was in the back of his mind. It’s better to walk away with my dignity rather than making a fool of myself.
  10. My sanity and serenity are much more important. I’m not willing to go down the crazy path for yet another guy. Some people enjoy conflict, but I value my sanity too much to do that. My goal in life is to be calm, happy and positive, not angry, sad and frustrated. I’m not going to give that up to compete with another girl for a guy who isn’t even worth it.
Chrisa is a freelance travel and lifestyle journalist who is obsessed with urban life, big cities, and untold stories.