I Don’t Dwell On My Exes — Here Are 9 Reasons You Shouldn’t Either

I Don’t Dwell On My Exes — Here Are 9 Reasons You Shouldn’t Either ©iStock/Corr

I have to admit, I move on from relationships a lot more quickly than most women. I guess I’m more focused on getting on with my life than mourning the part of my life that I’m leaving behind. It’s hard to grieve over a breakup when I feel like I’m gaining more by ending things than I’m losing. I’m not cold, I’ve just got stuff figured out — but there are still things I wish people understood:

  1. You probably saw it coming. I bounce back quickly because most breakups aren’t exactly a surprise. They’re generally a time coming, and I had time to prepare myself. By the time things actually end, I’m pretty much over it already.
  2. You should trust yourself and be confident in your decisions. If I’m choosing to end a relationship, I know and trust myself well enough to know that it’s for the right reasons. Knowing that I’m doing the right thing for my future self, even if it hurts like hell in the present, makes it a whole lot easier to keep it moving.
  3. Dwelling will get you nowhere. Nothing makes me more anxious than dwelling on things I can’t change. It’s a pointless exercise and a waste of time. Dwelling on the past won’t help me in the future, so I don’t do it, end of.
  4. Your self-respect should win out. I’m not someone who can stand to break down and completely lose sight of myself over the end of a relationship. I’m worth more than that and I have too much pride to let it happen. That doesn’t mean I don’t have feelings, just that I know how to hold it together.
  5. You’re probably just being stubborn. Again, I won’t admit this freely (because I’m too stubborn), but I hate admitting that a guy left a mark on me or that I miss his presence. I want to forget that I just added another failed relationship to the pile, and if I don’t admit it, it didn’t happen, right?
  6. You just need to get on with your life. I don’t want closure. I don’t want to hash out the details over and over again, talk about what went wrong or what I could have done differently. It’s not going to magically make the relationship come back to life, so I’d rather just get on with mine and not think about it anymore.
  7. Grieving for a loser is a weakness you don’t want to indulge. Eating chocolate, binge watching Netflix and crying are for teenagers and immature women. I’m strong, smart, and independent, so I’m not going to wallow over a guy when I can handle things on my own.
  8. If you keep busy, you’ll have less time to think of them. Staying busy is my go-to. If I don’t have time to think about him, then I don’t have time to miss him, and that makes getting over him and moving on that much easier. At least that’s the general idea.
  9. You’ll have plenty of time to miss them later. It happens eventually. I’m usually in such a rush to move on that I forget to reflect and appreciate what was — and whether I like it or not, I generally do end up missing them from time to time. Just don’t ask me to admit it.
Bolde has been a source of dating and relationship advice for single women around the world since 2014. We combine scientific data, experiential wisdom, and personal anecdotes to provide help and encouragement to those frustrated by the journey to find love. Follow us on Instagram @bolde_media or on Facebook @BoldeMedia