Don’t Embarrass Yourself—If He’s Ignoring Your Texts, It’s Time To Move On

It only takes a few seconds to reply to a text, especially since most of us live on our phones 24/7 these days. Even if you’re busy and can’t engage in a full-blown conversation, you can at least let the other person know you’ll get back to them ASAP. This is why it’s so frustrating when the guy you’re seeing is ignoring your texts when you know he’s around.

  1. You’re making excuses. If you’re telling yourself that he just didn’t get the message or maybe something tragic happened, like his dog died, you’re fooling yourself. His silence speaks a thousand words and it’s telling you one thing: he’s not interested. He wouldn’t be ignoring your texts otherwise.
  2. You’ve tried more than one approach. You used to rely on texting him but now you’re sending him messages on Facebook or perhaps you’ve emailed him. You’re hoping one of these methods will get an answer, but don’t bother wasting your time trying to chase him down. It just makes you look crazy and he’s clearly not interested.
  3. You’re frustrated all the time. Watch how you feel when you chat with this guy. If you feel antsy knowing that he’s not going to be a reliable texter and that you want to scream when he doesn’t respond, that’s telling you that something’s wrong. You don’t want to spend your days waiting around for some loser. Use that anger to walk away instead!
  4. He gives you generic responses. When he does appear out of the blue, he’ll reply to your text with something generic, like asking how your day was or sending one-word answers. Ugh, this guy is so not worth texting anymore because he’s not even making an effort!
  5. Texting had already started slowing down. Before he went AWOL on you, you weren’t texting each other as much as before. It would take hours to get a reply or the conversation would hit a slump. Yikes. These are not good signs at all, so don’t wait around for the spark to come back—it’s already dead by now.
  6. The less he does, the more you want to do. It’s so weird but texting a guy who’s not making an effort sometimes has the effect of making you want to do even more to get him to speak to you. It almost becomes an ego thing, a competition that you want to win. He’s ignoring your texts, so how can you get him to stop? You can’t. Maybe it’s time to leave the phone at home, okay?
  7. You’re addicted to him. You stress out and wonder why he hasn’t got in touch, only to hear from him in a few days. Instead of ignoring him, you find yourself replying, eager to get into a conversation. The “reward” of his reply after all your stress and worry keeps you wanting more of it, making you addicted to him. Meanwhile, you’re just delaying the inevitable—the next time he goes AWOL. Ugh.
  8. Your friends hide your phone. Your friends tell you to quit texting this guy and might even go to great lengths to make you stop, such as by hiding your phone when you’re out. Listen to them! They’re seeing you from an objective position and you’re probably starting to look desperate to them.
  9. You’re monitoring his social media. You’re logging onto Instagram and Twitter every hour to check if he’s updated his status. You’re craving news from him and these social media nuggets help to ease that craving a bit, even though they’re not messages for you. Stalker, much?
  10. You’re avoiding the truthYou’re panicked he’s slipping away, but listen up—although you’re scared of what his radio silence means, the truth is a blessing in disguise. It hurts to know that he’s not interested in chatting to you anymore, but it can save you from a lot of stress over this guy that you really don’t need in your life. If he wants to go, let him go—it’s better than leaving you hanging!
  11. In the heat of the moment, you don’t feel embarrassed—that comes later. You know you’re putting in too much effort with this guy when you get the idea to contact him yet again and you don’t feel embarrassed at the thought of looking like a stage-five clinger. In fact, you find yourself thinking that it’ll be a good thing. Maybe he’ll answer this text because it’s going to be so much funnier or more entertaining than the others. Eek, no. You’re guaranteed to feel like crap when the high of messaging him again wears off and he’s still ignoring your texts.
  12. You just want what you can’t have. Maybe you’re the type of person who’s always intrigued by the things that are just out of reach or this guy brings out a side of you that wants a challenge. Whatever the case, what you can’t have always seems more exciting than it really is. Once you get it, it’s just a lazy guy who can’t make a damn effort to send you a message. Don’t get distracted by some idealized version of him. It’s not real.
  13. You’re pissed off, and rightfully so, but he doesn’t need to hear about it. When the guy you’ve been chatting to doesn’t make any effort anymore, you might be tempted to let anger get the better of you. Who does he think he is, treating you like this? You have a right to text him right now and tell him what a jackass he is! Although it’s normal to want to tell him to get lost, it might be an excuse to get in contact with him and get a response, even if it’s a negative one. Don’t stoop to his level.
  14. Your standards are too low. Texting a guy should make you feel good, not like you’re sending him your dignity with your messages. By ignoring the crappy way you feel when you’re trying to persuade him to contact you, you’re allowing your standards to get down on the floor and turn you into a doormat. Oh, hell no. Stop texting this guy and prevent him from worming his way back in by keeping your standards nice and high so that he can’t hurt you anymore. He’s done enough of that. Time to block his number.

Why he’s ignoring your texts in the first place

Yeah, fine, you know you need to move on, but it’s infuriating not knowing why he’s leaving you on read to begin with. While there’s no way to know for sure, here are some possibilities.

  1. He’s talking to other women. If it’s pretty early on in your dating life, he’s not beholden to you and therefore you’re not exclusive. It would make sense, then, that he’s still dating around and talking to other women. If he happens to have met someone(s) he clicks with a bit more, he’ll likely start ignoring you because he’d rather focus on her/them. It sucks but it happens. If only he had the courtesy to just tell you that.
  2. He’s trying to ghost you. You’re obviously not picking up on this hint so he’s not doing it very well, but he is trying. Ghosting is so common these days that it’s sorta cliche, but that doesn’t stop men (and women!) from doing it. It’s possible that he’s ignoring your texts because it’s easier and more convenient than actually telling you that he’s not feeling it.
  3. You came off as desperate. Ouch, this one hurts, but it happens. It may not even be your fault — one man’s desperation is another woman’s enthusiasm. Maybe you just actually liked the dude and you showed him that by asking him to hang out a lot or even telling him that you’re into him. If he couldn’t handle that and thought you were “desperate” because you didn’t act aloof, that’s his problem. Of course, there’s also the chance that you really were acting desperate by going wayyyyy over the top even before you really knew him. It happens to the best of us. Just chalk this one up to experience and move on.
  4. You did something to annoy him. Is it immature and obnoxious that he’s giving you the silent treatment and ignoring your texts rather than just communicating with you straight up about it? Duh. But many guys lack good communication skills and find it impossible to say what’s on their minds. It’s easier to just stop talking to you and leave you guessing, but that doesn’t mean it’s not infuriating for you.
  5. He doesn’t like you as much as he thought he did. Again, this sucks, but it happens. He was all gung ho about you at the beginning but as you started talking or hanging out more, he realized he doesn’t like you as much as he initially thought. This likely has nothing to do with you and is way more about him. Maybe he built you up to be someone you’re definitely not in his head and when he realized he got it wrong, he decided to retreat. His loss!
  6. The chemistry just wasn’t there. Sometimes it’s not. You can’t force a connection that doesn’t naturally exist, and why would you want to? There’s someone out there who will make dating and relationships effortless and this clown is not the one. Do yourself a favor and delete and block his number so you can move on to something worthy of you.

Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.