I Don’t Fit In The Modern Dating World And It’s Breaking My Heart

I’m a hopeless romantic at heart, which means love and relationships are minefields for me. All I want is that old-fashioned romance you read about in love poems and see in movies, but I can never find it in real life. I just don’t fit into the modern dating world and it’s absolutely killing me.

  1. Savage is the new sensual. The whole savage heart thing has become somewhat idolized and I don’t understand it. Being cold and quick to the draw when it comes to throwing people away isn’t something to be marveled at. Romantic relationships that don’t work out shouldn’t be looked at as opportunities to destroy someone. You can be on your own side when it comes to knowing what you deserve without having to be ‘savage’ about it.
  2. There’s no such thing as chivalry. In modern-day relationships, this should apply to both sexes, but it seems that neither men nor women are practicing the simple art of being courageous and honorable towards their partner. Chivalry needs to be brought back in full force.
  3. Quick hookups replaced long strolls on the beach. Does anybody remember when hooking up happened after 10 dates and countless hours of conversation? It’s become an almost non-existent memory, and it’s seriously sad that people are evolving to become more animalistic than they used to be when it comes to sex.
  4. People trade in quantity for quality. When it came to heterosexual relationships in the old days, a man was looked at as more well-rounded and just all-around better for having a good woman at his side when compared to his bachelor counterpart. These days, it almost seems like men who are attached are pitied for their inability to have sex with as many women as possible. Since when has passing around HPV become the pinnacle for romantic eligibility?
  5. Love songs are just catchy hooks. When was the last time you heard anything reminiscent of Otis Redding’s love ballad “For Your Precious Love”? Songs like that just aren’t written anymore and it’s not because the older generation doesn’t understand the new music scene. It’s because it feels like love isn’t as valuable as it once was and it sure as heck doesn’t evoke the same emotion somehow.
  6. Since when is it okay to cheat? Maybe I’m standing alone on this island, but having sexy conversations with others, sending nudes, and meeting up with other people isn’t okay unless you and your partner have agreed upon it. It seems that more and more people are having one-sided polyamorous relationships and acting as if it just isn’t that bad of a thing to do. Cheating has always existed though, so I won’t put too much stock into this one.
  7. Dating is just hanging out. Maybe it’s the men I choose to give my time to, but it seems that when a guy asks you to get together, his emphasis is always on how you’re “just hanging out.” It’s like people have to audition for their date before they even get the chance to have it. That’s not how this is supposed to work.
  8. The age of constant attention is killing connections. It’s like nobody has time to truly connect with anyone anymore, and if someone isn’t giving them exactly what they need when they need it, they’ll get it somewhere else. You can’t build a connection off of three text exchanges and one romp in the sack, but people are seemingly happy with just that. What’s going on?
  9. It’s almost uncool to connect at all. Because of this age of no-go romance, when people do meet someone they get excited about, it’s like they tell themselves to stop feeling like this person could be a real option. We’ve been so conditioned to be wary of people that we talk ourselves out of good things.
  10. People are actually worse, though. On the flip side, people have become so complacent with being horrible that we actually have to be wary of them. It seems like if you’re not being openly awful, you’re hiding something terrible anyway.
  11. Relationship gurus are a thing for a reason. No one seems to know how they should be treated, how they should treat others, or even how to be in a relationship at all. I know that we’re all learning how to love as we get older, but at some point, you have to wonder whether or not we stifled ourselves by killing off true romance.
  12. I want off this ride. I’m a true romantic. I want slow dances and laughing fits and silent moments where you feel truly safe with the person next to you. Maybe this exists for some people, but the more I see and experience, the less existent it seems. Can we bring back old school love before we kill it off altogether?
Angelica Bottaro has a bachelor’s degree in Psychology from Trent University and an Advanced Diploma in Journalism from Centennial College. She began her career as a freelance writer in 2014, racking up bylines in The Good Men Project, MakeWell, LymeTime, YouQueen, and more. She eventually shifted her focus and began writing about mental health, nutrition, and chronic disease for VeryWell Health.

You can follow her on Facebook or check out her website at AngelicaBottaro.ca. She also posts on Instagram @a.ct._b and Twitter @angiiebee.