Don’t Freak Out About Being Single After 30—It’s Actually Pretty Awesome

­­Sick and tired of being so hung up on what box to check on a demographics form? You’re not alone. Being single after 30 is not the end of the world despite what society and the media try to lead you to believe. Let’s kick the falsehoods to the curb by refuting these 10 distortions about single life beyond your 20s that just aren’t true.

  1. Everyone worth having is already taken. You’re still single, aren’t you? And you’re far from worthless. People get busy and life happens. Some guys spent their 20s getting stable- going to college, then grad school, maybe did an internship, and are just now settling into their career. They were too focused to date. And possibly too broke (with good reason). Now he’s older, stable, and ready to mingle. Not all good catches get snatched up right away. There’s also the guys who made wrong choices the first time around. Being divorced doesn’t mean he’s not eligible.
  2. You won’t be able to have any (or more) kids. 30 is still young! There are plenty of people, including celebrities, who are having their first child in their 40s even. Each day is a new chance to meet your soulmate, fall in love, and expand your family together. There are plenty of guys out there who will be OK with the fact that you already have kids, if you do. And blending families together can work out great. You never know what tomorrow will bring.
  3. You’re undesirable. You’re you! A person with a story, just like everyone else. Being single at this age does not mean anything is inherently wrong with you. And it’s simply foolish to compare. Some women are taken because, yes, they got lucky and met their guy young. But others settled, made mistakes that will later sadly end in divorce, or are even using a guy for personal gain. You don’t want to be like them, and you will find someone for you.
  4. It’s a curse. After my divorce, one of my coworkers told me the years she spent single after her breakup was the best time in her life. She told me about going out, traveling, and a general sense of personal freedom and less responsibility to another person. At the time, I couldn’t see it, but now I understand how wise her advice was. Being single really is not that bad if you think about it this way. For some people, they happily remain this way by choice!
  5. It will last forever. You could really have a brand-new life this time next year with no indication today of what is about to come. The reason you’re single today is because you just aren’t in that forever relationship…yet. But once it begins, this entire season of solitude will be behind you. Keep hope alive and trust that good things are coming your way.
  6. You’re not stable. I hate how people automatically assume when you fit a “status quo” image that you’re suddenly more responsible. There is this implied trust assigned to a person just for having a ring. Well, guess what? Two complete jerks can get married to one another. And the same goes for reckless free spirits. The institution of marriage itself is not a merit set aside for “better,” more reliable, people. You’re capable on your own.
  7. You want to steal your friends’ men. Don’t let your girlfriends act like you are a threat to their relationships because you’re still single. Your relationship status does not make you more or less likely to engage in homewrecking behavior. And if not being taken is the sole qualifier for their man having wandering eyes in your direction, that’s something that needs to be taken up with them, not you.
  8. You’re going to grow cobwebs. First of all, battery-operated buddies (BOB) might be enough to make you reconsider if you ever need a man at all. Secondly, being in a relationship does not guarantee regular sex. Personally, I had less intercourse when I was married than when just dating people. Work schedules, not being in the mood, and couple arguments get in the way.
  9. You’re missing out. You shouldn’t be waiting to be in a relationship to start your life. You need to live your best life now and, if it’s what you want, hope that someone who complements or adds to that comes along. But general life and the pursuit of happiness should not be on pause until you meet your match. If you’re expecting him to come along and fill a void, you’re likely to be disappointed or expecting too much.
  10. You’re going to lose friends. If being coupled up is a deciding factor on whether your friends still want you around, then it isn’t a genuine connection anyway. Someone should be your friend because they like you and enjoy your company, not because you add an extra pair to couples’ night for their convenience.
I’m Cara, not to be confused with Carrie, although you could say I’m a Millennial Bradshaw of sorts. Pop culture connoisseur. Lover of all things creative and passionate about health and personal well-being. Follow me on IG @cara_vale_writer