Why I Don’t Friend The Guys I Date On Social Media

In the few years before I met my husband, social media was just beginning to boom, so if a guy I’d just met wanted to become friends online or I had a painful breakup after an all-too-brief interlude, it was displayed for the whole world to see. Knowing what I know now, here are some useful social media boundaries I’d have if I was back on the dating scene.

If we’re still just getting to know each other, expect that your friend request on Facebook and Instagram will be declined. Look, we don’t even know if this is going to turn into something legitimate yet, so please excuse me if I don’t feel quite ready to let my dad and the rest of my friends and family see you on my social media accounts.

Absolutely do not send me a message on LinkedIn as a way of contacting me. My LinkedIn account is strictly for business networking, professional opportunities, and to support my network in their endeavors. If you send me a casual message on there, I promise I will ignore it. Instead, please email or text me.

We will only connect on social media when we are pretty sure we will be in each others’ lives for a while. Our personal lives, opinions, and sometimes controversial perspectives are on display for all of our connections to see when we’re friends on social media. I need to know that I can completely trust you before I let you in on that part of my life.

Even if we do become a couple, we will never be “in a relationship” together on Facebook. You know what’s worse than all of your family, friends, acquaintances, and peers seeing that you had yet another relationship that failed? Nothing. So, no, we won’t be listed as “in a relationship” until I’ve got your ring on my finger. “Facebook official” is just not a thing in my life.

There will not be any lovey photos of us for quite a while. Don’t get me wrong, I love taking selfies when I’m out somewhere breathtaking or somewhere fun. And once we’ve established a relationship, then I’d absolutely like to take selfies with you. However, there just won’t be any sweet, kissy type pics until we’re partners.

Please don’t tag me in a post as a passive-aggressive way to tell me something. So you’d like me to read that article about how to increase my sex drive or about how science says that women need to support their men going out every night for the sake of a healthy relationship? Hey, I’m always willing to learn new information, just don’t tag me in it for all the world (like my dad) to see. Send me in a private message with a polite note, please.

If we’re messaging on social media, it’s only because we’re mainly in contact offline. Chats and private messages will never be main the place to ask about each other’s day, talk dirty to each other, or send loving sentiments to one another. Though I don’t mind a message here and there, our primary lines of communication will always be by phone.

A text or a phone call is sufficient if you want to tell me something that’s brief. You want me to know that you’re going to be back later tonight or that you need to change our plans for the weekend? Hey, I totally understand, but please have the common courtesy to at least text or call to tell me that. Do not, I repeat, do not even think about telling me something like that via social media.

For the love of all that’s good, if you want to talk, please just call. Yes, social media is a beautiful means of connection with the greater world and for staying in touch with people that you wouldn’t otherwise. It’s certainly not a replacement for real, live conversation. If you want to have a chat with me, then call me on the actual phone. I promise I will love you even more.

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