I Don’t Get Attached In Relationships Anymore—Here’s Why 

I have a habit of forming attachments to the wrong people. It’s an addiction that usually ends with my heart getting broken and my insecurities at an all-time high. What’s the point anyway? So I can get ghosted, left on read, and manipulated? I decided to stop forming close bonds so that I could live a happier, and more complete life.

  1. I’m Tired Of Being Shocked. I’m sick of getting the rug pulled out from under me all because I’m oblivious to the red flags. No matter how hard I try, I’m not good at seeing people for the a-holes they really are. I fall for manipulators who know exactly how to deceive, and because of that, I’m always blindsided.
  2. It’s Way Too Time-Consuming. When I get attached, I really get attached. My life stops and revolves around the object of my desire. All I focus on is spending time with them, texting them, and becoming the person they want. A lot of time goes into it, potentially too much time, which caused me to put my own life on the back burner.
  3. It Made Me Jealous. Sometimes jealousy can be a good thing because it can keep you on your toes. My jealousy went way past the healthy limits, though. I saw every girl as competition because I was way too attached to my partners. I stalked their female co-workers and I called them crying whenever they went out with their friends. I was so afraid they’d meet someone better and forget I ever existed.
  4. It’s Addictive. I thought the first time would be the last time I ever got attached to someone, but it wasn’t. I went from one guy to the next, clinging to them all. I didn’t realize the pattern in my behavior until I stopped and reflected. Getting attached to someone is an addiction and it’s one I needed to break to get healthy.
  5. I Couldn’t Be Without Them. Being attached made me anxious. I lived in fear I wasn’t good enough and I always worried I’d end up heartbroken. It wasn’t healthy! I was insecure about everything and I constantly tried to“fix” myself physically and emotionally. Nothing I said, wore, or did made me feel confident.
  6. It’s Not The Same As Love. Attachment isn’t the same as love, it’s unhealthy! Having an attachment is your body telling you to be afraid of losing someone because, without them, your life would be nothing. That’s not true and that’s certainly not love. I realized my attachments were the reason I felt so incomplete in my life, which is why I decided to become obsessed with myself instead of someone else.
  7. I’m No Longer Codependent. I lived in fear of controlling my own life because I thought I would ruin it. That’s why I welcomed attachment. It was better than the alternative, which was being independent. Now, all I want is to be in control and make my own decisions. It’s my life and the best way for me to live it is by calling the shots.
  8. Sometimes It’s Better To Let Go. I form attachments to the wrong type of people. They’re not necessarily cruel, but they don’t build me up or show any signs they care whether or not I succeed. I decided to stop letting these people into my life. All they do is ruin my self-esteem and mess with my mental health.
  9. My Focus Was Superficial. His looks. His car. His family’s status. I was attracted to people for the wrong reasons and I clung to them because I thought they could provide me with the picture-perfect life I desperately wanted. I’m the only one who can provide myself with the ideal life!
  10. I’m Young. I might not be a teenager anymore, but mentally, I’m about 16. I’m not ready to be tied down to the same person for the rest of my life. And to be honest, I don’t know if I ever will be. I look at older couples in love and I’m not envious. If anything, I’m scared to become them.
  11. I Learned That Everyone Leaves. It makes no sense to form an attachment to someone who’ll inevitably say goodbye. Instead of forcing myself onto another person, I take a step back and enjoy the present moments. I don’t want to hold on so tight I miss out on all the fun because I’m too busy being possessive.
  12. I Was Afraid Of Being Single. I used to think being single was the worst thing that could happen. That’s why I went all-in with people who weren’t perfect (or even semi-perfect). I didn’t want to end up alone. Unfortunately, that made it easier for me to hold on to people who weren’t any good. And while I may not have a ring on my finger, I know that’s OK. In my opinion, being comfortable solo is way more impressive than finding my dream guy.
Jordan White is a writer based in Scottsdale, Arizona with more than 8 years of experience. She graduated from Northern Arizona University with a degree in Rhetoric and Creative Writing in 2015 and while there, she wrote for The Daily Wildcat. She has since written for sites including FanBread, and, of course, Bolde. You can find about more her on Facebook. She has a passion for giving her audience something to laugh about and despises the heat more than anything.