I’m kind of a loner and I enjoy my own company, so it’s not often I get a crush on a guy. It’s not that I don’t come across a lot of amazing men out there, it’s just that I don’t really care for anyone that much. That is, until I do —and when that happens, I don’t crush on a guy, I “lush” on them, which basically means I’m immediately in love.
I can’t help myself. I hardly ever like anyone, so when I do finally find someone who catches my attention, I like them A LOT. It’s a natural occurrence that I really don’t have any control over because it’s like, whoa, I found someone who doesn’t make me want to make up an excuse to go home and never see them again. It’s a miracle.
If I can be around a person for more than two hours, it’s love. I can’t even stand being around people I love the most for more than a few hours at a time. It’s not their fault, it’s just how I am. If I find a guy I can spend an entire day with and it doesn’t make me want to rip my hair out, you’re damn right I’m in love with him. It takes one hell of a connection for me to spend that many hours in a row with a person.
I prefer my own company. There’s no one I like spending time with more than myself. I enjoy my hobbies, love being able to binge Netflix in my underwear and quite frankly, I don’t like anyone else as much as I like myself. This might sound vain, but I wasn’t always good at the whole self-love thing. Now that I am, I have to pretty much be in love with a guy to give that up.
I don’t have time for crushes. I’m far too busy to be daydreaming about a guy because he’s adorable. There’s like millions of good looking men out there, and if I started letting myself kind of like them, I wouldn’t think about anything else. If anyone is going to take up any of my brain space, it’s going to be because I can’t help but think of them and that only happens when I really adore a guy.
It’s just more intense. The feeling of a lush is much more fun than a crush because not only does it last longer, it’s also much closer to the actual feeling of love and I can’t get enough of that natural chemical high. Crushes just can’t do that. Sure, it’s a giddy kind of excitement, but it’s nothing like how I feel when I really like a guy.
It’s a miracle it’s even happening. It’s so rare that I like a guy that when it does happen, I’m surprised I’m even feeling it at all and I get a bit overzealous. It just happens because like I’ve said, people don’t really get under my skin. When they do, it’s intriguing and exciting and so far out of my comfort zone that I have to just roll with it.
I do everything with gusto. In every area of my life, I either do things big or not at all. At work, I go hard; at home, I sleep hard; when I’m binging the latest series, I’m watching the whole damn thing in less than two days. That’s just the way I am. I give 150 percent to everything I do, so when I like a guy, I have the same mentality towards it.
I only have, like, three friends. That should tell you a little about the type of person I am: I like to keep my circle small, intimate, and full of people I really love and trust. It’s the same for a guy I start to develop feelings for. If I end up liking him, I pretty much love him right away. I don’t give up on people I care that deeply about unless I absolutely have to.
What’s the point in liking someone a little bit? I really don’t see the purpose in being only slightly into someone. It’s a foreign concept to me because a) I’ve always been the type to either fall hard or not at all and b) why do anything half-assed? I either go all the way in with a person or they basically don’t exist to me — and that’s the way I like it.
It sets me up for one of two things. Either I get really disappointed that I felt so much for someone and he didn’t end up being my everything, or I enter a relationship knowing full well that he’s the person I want to be with because of how strongly I feel for him. It’s always fun to find out which one it’s going to end up being.
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