I Don’t Give Attention To Guys Who Don’t Know What They Want

I’ve dated enough people to know who to avoid and the biggest red flag for me is a guy who doesn’t know what he wants from a relationship. If he wants to “feel it out” or says he’s “open to whatever,” I’m out the door. Here’s why I avoid these guys like the plague:

  1. It’s pretty clear that they only want sex. Guys who claim that they don’t know what they want are just trying to hide the fact that the only thing they actually DO want is sex. I’ve learned this over the years and now that I’m older, I’m not falling for these “excuses” of not knowing what they want again. If the guy I’m seeing tells me that he’s not sure what he’s looking for, I can bet that he’s NOT looking for a relationship. It’s as simple as that.
  2. They’re not exactly the most attentive to my needs. Guys who don’t know what they want are also not really in the right headspace to care for someone else. They’re just so confused about what they should be doing that they completely forget about me. The fact is, their uncertainty comes off as being aloof and insecure in the relationship and the truth is, I deserve someone who has the capacity to actually pay attention and care about me.
  3. I’m really just wasting my time. I already know that if I get into a relationship with the intention of changing his mind, it’s not going to work out. I’ll look back on it and heavily regret all the time I wasted hoping that he’d eventually figure out what he wants. It turns out he knew all along that all he wanted was an easy lay. Sigh… typical.
  4. A guy who doesn’t know what he wants is just playing with my feelings. I feel like I’m being tested when a guy claims he doesn’t know what he wants. It’s almost like he’s telling me to do my worst. Since he’s the one who’s on the fence, he gets the upper hand in the relationship and I feel like I’m running around trying to prove to him how good I am and why he needs to change his mind and be with me. It’s not cute.
  5. I deserve a guy who actually likes me. Obviously this guy doesn’t like me enough to drop his insecurities and reservations around entering a relationship, so why should I stay with him? I deserve someone who actually wants to move forward with me and thinks I’m worth the risk. I’m officially not wasting any more time with these half-hearted losers.
  6. I’m attracted to guys who actually have the confidence to admit what they want. I find guys who are wishy-washy about their position in relationships to be kinda lame. A real man will be direct with what he wants out of me, whether it’s casual sex or something more serious. If he’s not choosing a side, I find that to just be a sign of sheer weakness.
  7. Dating these types of guys just seems pointless to me. The thing I don’t get is if these guys TRULY don’t know what they want, why are they even hanging out with me? Am I just a sampler so they can see if they like me before buying the full thing? What they don’t realize is that doing this is really crappy. It’s disrespecting my time and also playing with my emotions for no reason.
  8. I shouldn’t have to give him reasons to be with me. Whenever I get wrapped up with a guy who’s undecided, I end up turning into a crazy person trying all these ways to convince him to be with me. I’ll say yes to pretty much whatever he asks of me, I’ll put in extra effort into my appearance, I’ll buy him things and do everything I can to make sure he’s happy. The thing is, this is only benefitting him, not me. I end up losing myself in it only to end up alone when he finally realizes he’s not ready for a relationship.
  9. He obviously only cares about himself. He clearly hasn’t figured his life out enough to be ready to get into a relationship, so I’m not sure why he’s trying to be in one with me. The future to him is “I” not “we.” If it was about both of us, he’d actually have the balls to tell me that he wants a serious relationship and he hasn’t yet, so….
  10. I know from experience that it will only end in tears. This isn’t my first time dealing with this type of guy and I already know that it’s going to end with him freaking out, feeling trapped. and running away. I know I’m not alone in this opinion. If a guy who isn’t ready for a relationship tries to test one out on me, it’s going to end badly. What he needs to do is take the time to figure himself out and get in the right headspace to enter a relationship, otherwise, he’s just going to be wasting my time—and that’s not okay.
Jennifer is a playwright, dancer, and theatre nerd living in the big city of Toronto, Canada. She studied Creative Writing at Concordia University and works as a lifestyle writer who focuses on Health, B2B, Tech, Psychology, Science, Food Trends and Millennial Life. She's also a coreographer, playwright, and lyricist, with choreography credits for McMaster University’s “Spring Awakening,” “Roxanne” for the Guelph Contemporary Dance Festival, and “The Beaver Den” for The LOT, among others.

You can see more of her work on her Contently page and follow her on Instagram @jenniferenchin.