I Don’t Give Away My Trust — You Need To Earn It

I used to be the kind of girl who trusted everyone, but at this point, I’ve been burned enough to know better. If I’m dating you, it’s because I like you, but it’s still going to be a while before I open up and trust you. Don’t take it personally — it’s just who I am, and if you really want this to work, you’ll stick around until I get there.

  1. Only a fool would trust someone they don’t even know. And mama didn’t raise no fool. We’re just getting to know each other. Therefore, I’m still figuring out if you’re someone I can trust. I’m giving you the same deal I’d give any other guy: I’ll consider opening up to you, but only if you earn that privilege.
  2. People are natural born liars. It’s human nature to be dishonest, practically in our DNA. That doesn’t give you an excuse to lie to me, but it does give me a principle not just to trust you right off the bat. We all lie — we just have to learn how to not lie to each other. Until I know for a fact that you make the effort to be honest, I’m not giving you the benefit of the doubt.
  3. We’re not just building trust. We’re building the foundation of our relationship. Rome wasn’t built in a day and neither is a healthy relationship. It takes time to learn how to trust and communicate with each other. It’s going to take a lot of patience on both our ends, but if you’re sincerely interested in having a real relationship with me, it’ll be worth it.
  4. Men have fooled me before. I may have been blind in the past, but I’ve found my vision. Love is always a gamble, but I’m taking a chance on you. Don’t make me regret it. Let’s be patient with each other while we both learn how to trust. I may have been a fool before, but I’ll never go down that path of destruction again.
  5. Dishonesty comes at a price. If I can’t trust you, then I can’t be with you. So once you earn it, don’t do anything to lose it, or you’ll be losing me too. For me, a relationship is nothing without trust. In fact, it’s misery. I don’t want to have to worry what you’re doing or whom you’re doing it with. So if you want to play those games, find a girl who’s interested in that drama, because I’m out.
  6. I can’t sleep with a man until we trust each other. That might be a deal breaker for a lot of guys, but I’m not willing to compromise on this. If I can’t trust you with my heart yet, then I certainly can’t trust you in my bed. I know I’m asking you to be patient both physically and emotionally, but I need a guy who’s willing to put in the time before we jump in to bed.
  7. You think you deserve trust, but I deserve honesty. You’ll get your trust once you earn it, and the only way to earn it is to be honest with me from the get-go. Trust isn’t a given with me in any lasting relationship. If you think you deserve to be trusted from day one, then you’re a fool. Every relationship deserves honesty, and trust is just something you earn along the way.
  8. I have baggage just like everyone else. Everyone has trust issues, but I’m choosing to learn from my past mistakes. Once upon a time I thought that I should give a guy my trust until he gave me a reason otherwise, but now I know to do things in reverse. I need a reason to trust you. I’ve been hurt in the past, and making a guy earn my trust is just how I protect myself.
  9. I have to earn your trust too. I’m not asking anything of you that I’m not willing to do myself. This is a two-way street, as all relationships should be. I’m not a hypocrite — I know this goes both ways, and that’s what I’m counting on. The only way we’ll ever earn trust with each other is if we make the same effort to be trustworthy. I know I can do it, but can you?
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.