I Don’t Hate Men, But I’m Having Trouble Finding One I Like Enough To Date

It bugs me when people assume that I hate all men simply because I’m picky about who I choose to let into my life. Choosing a partner is a big deal — at least, it should be. I’m not about to just grab the next guy who walks in the door. Here’s why:

  1. I’m tired of ending up with the wrong guys. I don’t date because most men just don’t fit me. It’s not personal — it’s a simple fact. I need a very specific kind of partner, and usually I end up in unhappy relationships because I jump into them with men who I know deep down aren’t quite right. Then I get emotionally attached and I can’t let them go once the problems begin. I don’t want to do this anymore, and I have a hard time finding guys who match me well.
  2. I’m very selective. I don’t date just to date. I don’t need to be taken out or treated or pampered by whoever. I get no pleasure from the attention of strange men that I don’t like all that much. It would gross me out to go out with a guy just to get a free meal. Instead, like to wait for someone who I feel some honest chemistry with, and that doesn’t happen every day.
  3. I don’t want to waste anyone’s time. I think of this as a kindness I do for myself and others. If it’s not right, it’s not right. There’s no point in pretending or waiting it out and hoping something will change. Everyone knows when the situation isn’t a good fit. Attempting to be into a guy I’m not so that I don’t hurt his feelings would hurt him way more in the long run. Unfortunately, I just don’t dig that many of the men I meet.
  4. I know what I want and I’m waiting for it. It’s taken me a long time to figure out what I want and need in a partner. Now that I know, I’m not going to settle for less anymore. I’ve made all my past mistakes so that I could get to a point where I don’t choose poorly when it comes to love. If that means I don’t date, then so be it. I’d rather be happily single than unhappily taken.
  5. Dating is a tough game and I’m not into playing. I don’t like games, which makes me very unpopular in the dating world. It’s very frustrating. I end up getting dragged into drama when I had no intention of dealing with any. I won’t do all that, so I end up losing guys quickly or deciding not to date them in the first place.
  6. I don’t have a lot of patience for trying to find a good man. I’m not a patient person in general, and I’m especially bad when it comes to dating. I’m a busy woman and I don’t have a lot of time to go on unsuccessful dates or try to create chemistry with strangers. I’d rather just do my thing and deal with being single a while longer. I want dating to be easy and I want to meet someone amazing without really trying. I know it’s not very realistic, but that’s how I feel.
  7. I only like most guys in a platonic way. I love my guy friends, but they are friends for a reason. I’d never date any of them because we would never work out. There’s either no physical chemistry or they’d simply drive me nuts in a relationship. They say the best partnerships come from friendship first, but if I was attracted to a guy, he wouldn’t be my buddy first. I know what I like and what I want — I’d jump on that ASAP. Unfortunately I just don’t feel attracted to most dudes.
  8. I’m never settling again. I’ve been in some decent relationships, but mostly they were unexceptional. I either picked something safe because I felt insecure and confused, or I picked people who would reinforce my poor opinion of myself. Now that I’ve worked on my growth and built up my self-esteem, I will never sabotage my heart that way again. I deserve big, wonderful love and I’ll wait until I get it. Most men simply aren’t willing or able to give it to me.
  9. I’m happy single, so I’m in no rush anyway. It’s hard to convince myself to go out and search super hard for the right man when I love being on my own. It’s not about disliking the company of men in general — I’m just sort of a loner and always have been. I crave independence and freedom, and most guys don’t get that at all if they’re in a relationship with me. I tell them not to take it personally, but they can’t seem to help it. I understand, but I also know that I need that special guy who will truly complement my needs.
  10. I’m sure there’s someone out there who’s wonderful for me, but I have no idea where. I try to keep up hope, work on my own life, leave my heart open to possibility, and not worry too much. That’s all I can really do. I’m not the kind of girl who’s going to aggressively hunt for a man, even though I do hope to find a good one someday. I am a very unique and specific kind of person and I need someone who is very specific and adores me for who I am. I’m excited to find him someday, but also resigned to the possibility that I may not.
A former actress who has always loved the art of the written word, Amy is excited to be here sharing her stories! She just completed her first novel, and is also a contributor for Elite Daily, Dirty & Thirty, and Thought Catalog. Amy is the founder of What If Journey and can be found on Twitter @amyhorton18. You can also visit her website at amyhorton.net.