I got so sick of getting the stupid “u up?” texts at 2 a.m. from guys I liked. Were they actually decent dudes or just looking for a hookup? I don’t know how to read men’s minds, unfortunately, so I developed my own little system for repelling douchebags: I cut off contact after 10 p.m.
Timing is everything. It’s not flattering if your crush is thinking about you late at night when they’re home alone and can’t sleep. What’s really flattering and genuine is when he’s the middle of a busy workday but still has to know how you are so he drops what he’s doing for a minute and texts you to ask how your day is going.
I got the idea from another wise woman. I can’t take all the credit for this brilliant idea. A girlfriend once told me that she had a call and text curfew for guys she was talking to. When I asked what she meant, she explained the concept to me and told me that I should try it. She told me to make up my own rules and stick with them. I thought it was totally genius, so I decided to customize it to my own needs and—bam! It’s been amazing.
If we haven’t talked all day, I don’t pick up. The gist of it is if a guy hasn’t contacted me all day but decides to send me a text after 10 p.m., no matter what it says, I just won’t respond. Of course, I tell them about this rule usually as soon as we exchange numbers. Sure, I’ve gotten a few weird looks in the past when I bring it up, but those are usually from the guys who aren’t worth my time anyway. The goal here is to not only create a little mystery and spark his curiosity but also make it clear that I’m not the type of woman that he can ignore all day then hit up when it’s late and he’s lonely. I’m worth a lot more than that.
I don’t mind chatting if we were already talking. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not going to ignore the guy all day and expect him to put in all the effort. It doesn’t matter who initiated conversation as long as we talked at least a little bit throughout the day. The goal here is that if we are talking after 10 p.m., it’s because it’s a continuation of the conversations we were already having over the course of the day. It shouldn’t be the first time I’m hearing from him all day.
If I’m really important to him, he’ll make time. I get that people get busy. We all work full-time jobs and have a lot of stuff going on within our days, but it’s always and undeniably true that if a guy is interested in something real with me, he’ll make the time for me no matter how busy he is.
It weeds out the jerks. There are those “special” guys out there we’ve all met—the ones that conveniently “lost” their phones until 1 a.m. and suddenly have all the time in the world to hang out with you. Boy, bye! If a guy is worth anything, he won’t have an issue with my little rule. He may even respect me more for it and silently applaud me for my high standards. If he truly likes me, it won’t bother him.
Consistency is key. The trick is, I have to have the same rule for EVERY potential partner and I have to stick to it firmly. I know sometimes it’s easy to bend the rules and lower the bar a little bit for the people that I really like. However, I’ve learned from experience that once I start shrugging off one or two little red flags, it’s only a matter of time before I start allowing this person to get away with everything. I might even eventually start making excuses for their inexcusable behavior, and I refuse to go down that road.
If a guy breaks the rule, I don’t call him out, I just ignore him. Let’s say a guy I’ve been talking to texts me at midnight or so and I haven’t spoken to him all day. I’m just going to ignore the text. I’m not going to call him out for breaking the rule. I’m not going to say anything snarky or petty. I’m just going to ignore him. Silence can sometimes send a stronger message than any words can. He’ll eventually get it and realize that he’ll just have to text me in daylight hours before he’ll get a response.
Guys take me more seriously because of it. Like I said before, the right guys, the ones actually worth talking to, have respected me more for my high but realistic standard. I think they’re impressed with it even if they don’t believe I’ll actually stick to it. As soon as they see I’m not messing around and am 100% serious, things tend to go swimmingly.
I feel secure AF in it. No, I don’t feel like it’s too harsh of a rule. I don’t feel like I’m asking a guy to move mountains or jump through hoops to prove his love for me. All I’m asking for is the courtesy of making me a part of his life. If I’m not that girl, that’s OK, no hard feelings—we just shouldn’t waste each other’s time. The guy that can’t get me off his mind is out there. I’m totally cool waiting for him.
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