I Don’t Let Guys In Often & After You, I Don’t Know If I Ever Will Again

I’m a pretty private, closed-off person. I finally got the courage to open my heart to someone when you came along, but after you threw that in my face, I doubt I’ll ever be able to do it again.

  1. I don’t know how to trust anymore. I thought I had trust issues before we started dating, but afterward, I was in a whole different ballpark. We were friends before we started dating, and that made me think I could actually trust you with my heart. I thought you’d be the one person who would never lie to me, but after we broke up I realized that’s all you ever did.
  2. You were supposed to be my best friend. One day I was the most important person in your world, but then, suddenly I was just a burden in your life. You used to care about me, but soon enough you grew to resent me. You were more mature when we started dating than when we ended. You thought we could go back to being friends, but after the way you treated me, I just wanted you to get the hell out of my life —for good.
  3. I’m afraid to give up my independence again. I thought that I could lean on you, but I couldn’t have been more wrong. I thought I finally found someone who would be there for me, but our relationship was a one-way street. I was there for you, but you couldn’t return the favor. I started to depend on you, and that’s when everything fell apart. I finally got my independence back and I don’t know when (if ever) I’ll be able to give it up again.
  4. I put up too many walls. I needed to build an impenetrable force after all the BS you put me through. After all, look what happened when I let you in: I wound up with a shattered heart, wasted years of my life, and even lost my very best friend. I built walls to protect myself after you, and at this rate, they’re never coming down.
  5. I don’t know if you were worth the pain. Or if any future love will be worth the risk of heartbreak. No amount of physical pain could compare to the emotional pain I had from losing you. I don’t want to ever feel that way again. At the end of the day, I just don’t know if the reward of love is worth gambling my heart.
  6. I might be better off on my own. You showed me that being in love isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. I was far better off alone than I was with you, and who’s to say I’d be better off with any other man? When I’m single, I’m independent, and if you taught me anything, it’s that the only person I can truly depend on is me.
  7. I almost didn’t survive losing you. When we broke up, when you decided that you didn’t love me anymore because you didn’t need me anymore, I was shattered. I didn’t want to get out of bed. I didn’t know how to go on without you. It took me months to finally put myself back together, and I don’t think I could ever heal myself from a blow like that again.
  8. I don’t want to forget who I am. When I was with you, I got lost in our relationship. Your desire to explore the single life left me as a shell of my former self. I didn’t want to be me anymore. I didn’t know who I was other than the girl you no longer loved. I lost you and I lost myself. Now that I’ve found myself again, I can’t risk losing her all over again.
  9. I sabotage all my relationships. After the way you hurt me, I don’t know how to let another man into my heart. Any time anyone gets too close, I push them away. I hurt them before they have a chance to hurt me. With you I was naïve, but I learned a valuable lesson: someone can’t hurt me unless I let them.
  10. Being alone might be the best way to protect myself. If I don’t put myself out there, then at least I won’t get hurt. I took a chance on you, and look where that got me. I still feel broken from the demise of our relationship. I’m trying to put the pieces back together again, but the wound is still fresh. You scarred my heart for life and that’s why I have to protect myself. Sometimes being alone is just what’s best.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.