Don’t Let Him Use You — Either He Wants To Date You Or He Can GTFO

If you find yourself being constantly used by guys, it might be time to stop doing the things that encourage this type of behavior. If he’s acting like an ass, it’s because he thinks that you’re okay with because you put up with it. Here are 10 things you need to start doing that’ll show him you’re not interested in his BS and you demand better:

  1. Stop responding to his booty calls. You wake up at 3 a.m. to your phone buzzing, so you grab it off the bedside table and see the one phrase you know he thinks is going to lead to sex: “Hey, you up?” It’s eye-roll-worthy and you know you’re being used, but you answer these texts more often than not. Knock it off! Stop responding, it only encourages him.
  2. Don’t let him sleep over. This one sounds a little trivial, but trust me — it matters. By not letting him sleep over, you’re showing him that you have boundaries. Until you know exactly what his intentions are with you, sleepovers are for boyfriends only. If he wants the perks of your comfy bed, he’ll have to step up to the plate.
  3. Don’t be fooled by his player moves. You know that guy who just seems so “cool” and “interesting” and “mysterious”? Yeah, stay away from him. These player types use girls as an ego boost. They’re like magicians — they know exactly what to say to make your brain melt. Their goal is to use women. Make no mistake, you’re just a number to him. Be one step ahead of the BS.
  4. Stop being so available. If you’re always available, your time becomes cheap. It tells him that you will always be there so he doesn’t have to put in any effort to win you over. This can result in you feeling used and/or taken for granted and honestly — it’s not your fault. You’re just excited about a potential love connection! It’s totally normal to react that way. However, you might wanna try being a little hard to get. It also just makes it more fun for everyone involved.
  5. Don’t let your emotions cloud the truth. You think you really like him but get the impression that he just wants something casual. Guess what? You’re totally right. If you feel like he’s not into it, he’s not into it. Pay attention to those feelings from the get-go. You don’t want to be left in the rain months down the road when all you had to do was listen to your intuition.
  6. Let him know what you’re looking for from the beginning. There’s nothing wrong with actually letting him know you want something real. When you do this, you’re basically telling him straight up, “Hey dude, I don’t wanna be used — got it?” He’ll either run or get mad respect for you. Either way, you come out on top.
  7. Stop agreeing to his last minute plans. Do you wanna know why he always makes plans with you last minute? Because you let him! He’s beginning to notice that you’re putting him first, which means you must be fine with him putting you last. Sure, you’re being a nice person by making time for him, but if you say yes too often, he’s going to start taking advantage. 
  8. Show him that you have an actual life. This isn’t that difficult to do, but a lot of girls, myself included, will downplay our life to make the time spent with him more special. Don’t worry about making him jealous of your awesome life. He’ll get the message that you’re really busy and require advanced planning if he wants to see you. If you matter to him, that’s not too much to ask.
  9. Stop being so nice all the time. Get that backbone back. Just because you kinda like this guy doesn’t mean you have to agree with everything he says. Having your own opinions, even if they’re literally the complete opposite of what he’s saying, shows him you’re not trying to impress him. This makes you unusable in the best possible way.
  10. Never, I repeat never, text him first. If he hasn’t contacted you in a while, do NOT break down and text him. This will only perpetuate the cycle of being used. If he hasn’t reached out, you now know that he was intending to use you all along. Damn, the truth kinda hurts.
Jennifer is a playwright, dancer, and theatre nerd living in the big city of Toronto, Canada. She studied Creative Writing at Concordia University and works as a lifestyle writer who focuses on Health, B2B, Tech, Psychology, Science, Food Trends and Millennial Life. She's also a coreographer, playwright, and lyricist, with choreography credits for McMaster University’s “Spring Awakening,” “Roxanne” for the Guelph Contemporary Dance Festival, and “The Beaver Den” for The LOT, among others.

You can see more of her work on her Contently page and follow her on Instagram @jenniferenchin.