Don’t Let The Hopelessness Of Dating Make You Give Up — You’ll Just End Up Missing Out

Why is it that some people who have their heart broken are able to pick themselves up so damn quickly and fall in love all over again, while others of us remain scarred for life and terrified of ever trusting another soul? Are some of us born mentally stronger, or is it that some of us simply choose to blindingly believe in love, no matter what may happen to us in our pursuit of it? Either way, you can’t let the fear of getting hurt again stop you from putting yourself out there. Everybody deserves a shot at love, but in order to be in the running, you have to show up. Here’s what you need to remember:

  1. The pain you feel when your heart is broken is temporary at best. When someone rejects you or tells you they’re not in love with you anymore, it’s normal to feel devastated, especially if you invested a lot of time and energy into the relationship. However, that’s not the most painful aspect of a breakup — the real hurt comes from what you believe that says about you: that you’re undesirable, that you’re unworthy of love, etc. It’s completely untrue, and once you bounce back, you’ll see that.
  2. Heartbreak makes you stronger. It’s true what they say – what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger. When you’ve experienced something as painful as having your heart broken, it not only makes you more resilient but it also makes you much more sensitive and careful with other people’s feelings because you wouldn’t wish that feeling on anyone, not even your worst enemy. This level of empathy and care for others only makes you an even more amazing catch.
  3. There are so many good guys out there. You probably feel like you’ve had more than your fair share of losers. That could be a testament to your taste in men or maybe you’re just really unlucky in love (at least so far). Either way, you need to believe and remember that the world is made up of mostly good people who are kind-hearted and well-intentioned. Don’t lose faith because of your past experiences, no matter how tempting it might be.
  4. Living in fear is not living. If you live your life in a constant state of fear or anxiety, you’re already living in pain, regardless of whether you’ve opened your heart or not. Fear is not real; it’s something we create in our heads. If you stopped to think about every bad thing that could possibly happen to you, you would never leave the house because you’d be paralyzed by fear. Who wants to live a life like that? Not you, so don’t let it happen.
  5. You won’t make the same mistakes twice. If you overlooked major red flags or accepted behavior that was far less than you truly deserved, hopefully you’ve learned from your mistakes. You won’t repeat them because you’ll subconsciously be looking out for them. Don’t worry about the same things happening again. You’ll have a lot more control the next time you choose to love and you’ll know when to walk away if things aren’t exactly the way they need to be.
  6. Being in love is the best feeling in the world. Having a best friend who you also get to kiss is the BEST. When you’re in love, you radiate a certain glow that only happens when someone has you smiling on the inside and feeling giddy as hell for no reason at all. Love is the most rewarding, terrifying, and exhilarating emotion there is. And did I mention it’s FREE?! Don’t deprive yourself of something so incredibly life altering.
  7. You can’t find love if you don’t take risks. I know that it’s risky to allow yourself to open up and fall in love with someone, especially if the past chances you’ve taken have ended badly. But in order to find an extraordinary life-long kinda love, you will have to take a risk. Fortune favors the brave, as they say, so it’ll be worth it to take a chance.
  8. You don’t want to be single forever. Despite being in a relationship, I could give you countless reasons why being single is awesome. Imagine yourself in 30 years’ time, and being the cliché of a single woman with a large number of cats. Would you be okay with that? If the answer is no, then you really have no option but to suck it up and get on back out there into the dating arena.
  9. Being vulnerable is the only way to feel alive. What’s the point in hiding yourself away from the world out of fear that you won’t be accepted? The only acceptance you ever truly need is from yourself. Opening yourself up and allowing someone to really see into the depths of your soul is what living is all about. You are you, and you’re beautiful. Don’t wear a mask. Let everybody see your beauty. The right guy will come along and notice it too.
Shani is a full time writer and GLOW-GETTER currently based wherever she can find a bit of peace and harmony.. Her work has found itself a home on many platforms including The Huffington Post, Thought Catalog, Unwritten, Style Honey, CT Magazine, and All Women Stalk. She's also the author of several books, which can be purchased on Amazon.

Shani is the founder of the #GLOWGETTERTRIBE - check it out and join on her website.

You can also follow her on Instagram @shanijaywriter.