I Won’t Just Let Any Guy Be My Boyfriend—He Has To Prove These Things To Me First

I’m not the kind of girl who jumps onto any guy who wants to be my boyfriend. There are a lot of things I need to check off my list before I go into commitment territory with someone because chemistry isn’t the only thing that matters. Here are all the things he needs to prove to me before we go any further:

  1. That I can trust him Super basic but probably the most important out of everything listed here. I have to know that the guy who’s going to potentially be my boyfriend isn’t showing me any warning signs that he’s a liar. Even those little white lies sprinkled here and there show that he’s willing to risk getting caught, which means maybe he’s not all that serious about us.
  2. That he’ll really be there for me, not just say he will. If he’s all talk and no walk, I’mma be walking straight outta there. It’s easy for me to get hypnotized by loving remarks and sweet promises for the future but unless I actually see cold, hard evidence that he is, in fact, on my side, I won’t be able to believe a single word that comes out of his mouth.
  3. That he’s not just using me as a confidence boost I have to know that I’m not just a cover-up for all the fails he’s had in his past. Some guys like to see a relationship as another thing to conquer and achieve and once they get it, they’re instantly bored and onto the next thrill, leaving me in the dust.
  4. That he’s in a good place in his life to have a relationship A lot of guys will say they want a relationship without having the other areas of their life taken care of. It’s easier for women to juggle a relationship and career because, well, we’ve done it for so long and don’t base our self-worth on the amount of money we make. We don’t have that “provider anxiety” where if we don’t feel like we can support our partner, we flee the relationship. Guys have a tendency to do this, which is why I need to know if he’s good in his career, money, health and family life and not using a relationship to fill in the gaps.
  5. That he’s willing to talk about his deepest emotions with me This one is really important to me. A guy who can’t speak openly about his feelings is proving that he doesn’t have the capacity or courage to grow in a relationship. Relationships aren’t supposed to make you happy, they’re supposed to make you grow into a better person. That’s the real reason why we commit to just one person. So yeah, his ability to be vulnerable will be a huge clue to how long this is gonna last.
  6. That he wants me for reasons other than sex Kind of an obvious one, but you’d be surprised how long some guys will keep this a secret. It took about six months until the last guy I dated realized he was only looking for something physical. I don’t have that kind of time to waste, so he needs to show me proof that we’re not just glorified FWBs.
  7. That he’s willing to work through rough patches Relationships aren’t perfect and I need to see that he’s able to handle conflict like an adult and not get all defensive if I approach him with an issue. There’s a certain degree of emotional intelligence required to maneuver an argument without throwing a tantrum or taking it too personally and guy who can handle disputes in a mature way will have relationship material written all over him in my eyes.
  8. That he knows how to deal with painful emotions in a healthy way. If I upset him or he’s just generally stressed about something, I gotta know that his stress level won’t break the relationship, meaning he won’t go out, get drunk and “accidentally” cheat on me or have a breakdown and think that the only answer is to break up.
  9. That he’s in a good place financially Money is important to guys and when they don’t have enough, they don’t end up lasting very long in relationships. They need to feel like if anything happens, they can provide for their partner, so financial stability (not necessarily wealth) is something I always look for.
  10. That he’s ready to build something together One very important piece of proof I need, is that he’s actually ready. Where is he in his life? Is his life stable? Is he mentally and emotionally stable? Is he inspired to begin a long-term relationship or does it seem like something he’s just “stumbling” into? These are all things I think about before getting serious with a guy.
Jennifer is a playwright, dancer, and theatre nerd living in the big city of Toronto, Canada. She studied Creative Writing at Concordia University and works as a lifestyle writer who focuses on Health, B2B, Tech, Psychology, Science, Food Trends and Millennial Life. She's also a coreographer, playwright, and lyricist, with choreography credits for McMaster University’s “Spring Awakening,” “Roxanne” for the Guelph Contemporary Dance Festival, and “The Beaver Den” for The LOT, among others.

You can see more of her work on her Contently page and follow her on Instagram @jenniferenchin.