It can be super tempting to think that all guys are the same, and that every time you get into a new relationship, you’re going to end up right back where you started: single and kind of hating it. So what happens when you finally meet a good guy who doesn’t deserve your wrath and frustration? You have to check yourself or you’re going to ruin a really awesome thing. Your new guy isn’t your crappy ex-boyfriend, so here’s how to stop treating him like he is:
- Do the opposite of whatever tanked your last relationship. Did you kill your last relationship because you clung to your ex like superglue or complained about things that didn’t matter at all? Whatever you used to do, do the total opposite and you’ll start with a clean slate instead of letting your bad habits continue.
- Use your words wisely. Communication isn’t always the sexiest part of a new relationship. You don’t always want to talk about problems and you don’t want to be a burden, but if you can make it a point to bring stuff up when they happen, or to tell your new guy about your feelings, you’ll be better off.
- Don’t take his goodness for granted. Don’t make fun of your new guy to your best friends during happy hour. Don’t joke about things that are super important to him, even if you think you’re being hilarious. You’re not, you’re just treating him like yet another jerk, and he’s not that at all.
- Stop living in the past and focus on what’s in front of you. When your BF suggests making things super official and moving in together when it’s only been six months, don’t remember how badly things went when you shacked up with your ex. Focus on the here and now, not your past. Just because something sucked doesn’t mean it will be terrible again.
- Practice cautious optimism. Sure, you’ve had some crappy experiences with guys in the past, but that doesn’t mean this one is going to be the same. There’s nothing wrong with hoping for the best while still keeping your eyes open for any red flags. Who knows, expecting the best in someone just might bring it out.
- Get nostalgic for the good times. It’s pretty much impossible to remember the good times when you had such a bad breakup — and every break-up is pretty bad, no matter how amicable you think it was. If you can think of your ex-BF as a good person who just wasn’t right for you, it’ll be so much easier to see your new relationship as a positive addition to your life instead of another chance at heartbreak.
- Open up about your baggage. You’re not the only one with a car crash of a relationship history. Your new boyfriend has an ex, too (and maybe even more than one awful one). Why not talk about your romantic past and what you’re both looking to change? It’ll bring you so much closer.
- Override the old memories with new and different ones. If you keep doing the same kind of stuff with your new guy that you did with your ex — horror movie marathons, creative pizza orders, road trips to certain places — then of course you’re going to compare the two. It’s time to create some new memories. You’ll not only break the cycle of comparison but also have way more fun. Otherwise, why are you even together?
- Let go of your cynicism. Just because you constantly bitch to your friends about how all guys are pigs and finding a good one is nearly impossible doesn’t mean that’s actually true. You’ve got one now who wants to build something with you, and you’re just going to mess it up if you allow your cynicism to take over.
- Live like it’s the first time all over again. You can’t re-virginize yourself to relationships and you shouldn’t anyway — what you’ve learned from your exes has likely changed you as a person in positive ways. That being said, even if you’ve dated all losers in the past (which is pretty unlikely, no matter what you tell yourself), you don’t have to let that color your opinion of your new guy. Pretend he’s the first boyfriend you’ve ever had and let your guard down. You just might be pleasantly surprised.
