Everyone wants to be liked, especially by the new guy they’re dating. Yet, there’s definitely such a thing as being liked TOO much. When I feel that a guy is too into me early on in the relationship, I worry that he’s idealizing me rather than seeing the full package of who I am. Ultimately, this means I’ll end up letting him down.
- I want him to be into me, not just the idea of me. I have a lot of good qualities and I look good on paper but when a guy likes me too much, too soon, it’s often because he isn’t seeing past those positives. He’s just thinking how much fun he’s having right now and how this could be what it’s like all the time. That’s not how life or relationships work.
- Nobody is that perfect. Some guys have a habit of being swept away by a new girl and putting her on a pedestal but it’s all in his head. If I think he’s seeing me this way, it just makes me scared. Will he leave as soon as he sees something he doesn’t like in me? What will happen when his illusion shatters?
- I don’t look this good all the time. Of course I’m going to go the extra mile with my appearance when I’m seeing someone new. Doesn’t every girl? It’ll seem like I just woke up like this, but compliments about my physical features start to get to me when I know that he’s only seen me at my absolute best. Not to mention, what if I put on a few pounds down the road? Is that the end of things?
- I’m not his manic pixie dream girl. Although I can see how it might seem that way in the beginning. After all, I’m very free-spirited and I love spontaneity. Still, there’s a lot more to me than that and I’m not always the most fun person to be around.
- I just have a lot of feelings. (Mean Girls reference, check.) Sure, I can be the cool, go-with-the-flow girl some of the time. It may even seem like all of the time in the beginning. But that’s just because we haven’t had to deal with any type of conflict yet. In reality, I’m very sensitive and I take things personally and I cry. A lot.
- I suffer from anxiety. I think some guys initially think it’s “cute” when I’m nervous about something. They want to comfort me if I’m anxious about a work presentation or a dentist appointment. However, they don’t realize that this is a near-constant experience for me. I worry that, eventually, he’ll start to resent me for it. After all, it’s happened before.
- I’ve had some cool life experiences but they’re not who I am. Guys are fascinated by my stories of travel, exploration, and adventure but it’s all smoke and mirrors. Sure, they’re true stories, but I don’t want him falling for the exciting stuff I’ve done in the past. I want him falling for my regular, sometimes boring, everyday self.
- I’m a positive person but I can’t fix anyone. Despite my anxiety and shortcomings, I’m generally a happy, positive person or at least I strive to live my life that way most of the time. But I don’t want to enter a relationship with someone because they think I’ll rub off on them. In fact, it’ll probably backfire with him dragging me down. In addition, if he only sees me when I’m happy then that’s not a realistic representation of who I am.
- Charm fades away. I’ll admit that I have a bit of a knack for being charming, but that initial impact fades pretty quickly. Plus, who’s going to be persuaded to stay by charm in the middle of a big fight? Unless you’re just looking for a fling, charisma shouldn’t play a part in how much you like someone.
- I’m not that unique. Obviously, I like to think of myself as one-of-a-kind, but in all actuality, there are other girls like me out there. Nobody is that special. So when a guy says, “I’ve never met anyone like you before,” I wonder whether he’s just used to certain female stereotypes. Not to mention, it makes me worry that he’ll move onto the next when he finally does meet another girl who doesn’t fit his typical mold.
- He’s seeing me the way he wants to see me. Dating can be dangerous when there’s too much time to run through all the possibilities in your mind rather than actually getting to know the other person. Even if I never portrayed any particularly attractive qualities, he could still run wild with them in his imagination. This is especially true with guys who are desperately looking for love. They don’t necessarily care who it’s with because they’re too busy fantasizing. No real life woman can live up to that fantasy.
