If You Don’t Like My Sense Of Style, Find Another Girl — I’m Not Changing For Anyone

From the shoes I wear to the makeup I put on my face, I prefer to keep things simple. While most of the guys I’ve dated haven’t had a problem with it, I’ve come across a few who’ve taken it upon themselves to try to change my style into something more feminine. You can try all you want, but this is why you’re wasting your time if you try to change my everyday appearance:

  1. I’m not a slob. Yeah, I’m more of a “jeans and a t-shirt” kind of girl, but I still know how to put myself together. Just because I’m more casual doesn’t mean I wear shirts with ketchup stains on them or jeans that are three sizes too big for me. If you prefer your girlfriends adorned with more frills, I won’t be upset, but you should never try to make me feel ashamed for being perfectly normal.
  2. I know how to clean up. Don’t worry — I’m not going to show up to your brother’s wedding in ripped jeans and combat boots. Just because I don’t walk around in heels every day doesn’t mean I’m unwilling to strap them on if the occasion calls for it. I enjoy being extra girly and putting on a pretty dress every now and again, but making it an everyday thing just isn’t going to happen.
  3. I’m not your Christmas tree. You don’t get to dress me up to be your paint-by-numbers girlfriend. If you like a certain hair or makeup style I’ve worn before, I’m more than open to trying it out more often, but you’re not going to transform me into someone I’m not.
  4. This is nothing new. It’s not like I went from being a runway model to a tomboy overnight. I’ve been like this since I was a kid, and I’ll probably continue to be like this until the day I die. You’ve known from the start that I preferred tennis shoes to stilettos and easy ponytails to fishtail braids, so don’t pretend like my sense of style has completely evolved in the blink of an eye.
  5. I’m so much more than my appearance. If you’re willing to ignore my work ethic, intelligence, and kindness just because I dress for comfort instead of fashion, that’s your loss, buddy. I may not be the supermodel of your teenage fantasies, but I know for sure that I’m a great partner. I’ll find someone who can love me for who I am both inside and out, but you’re going to have a much harder time finding love with such a shallow attitude.
  6. I’ll make an effort for you, but not if you demand it. I’ll always base my style on what I want rather than what I think a guy might want. But honestly, if you spot a cute top or dress you’d love to see me in, I’ll probably be open to wearing it. If you chastise me for not wearing enough makeup or scolding me because my shorts show off “too much” skin, however, it’ll be the last thing you ever say as my boyfriend. I enjoy looking cute for my partner, and nothing boosts my confidence like knowing that he’s attracted to me, but if you have a specific look you prefer on me, you’ll only get to see it if you approach the matter like a decent human being.
  7. This isn’t a movie. I’m not the girl who transforms from an awkward nerd to a beautiful model just by taking off my glasses and letting my hair down. If you’re only dating me to make me your project and unlock my “potential” beauty, you’re going to be sorely disappointed. If I change my style, it’s going to be because I want to, not because you want me to.
  8. You aren’t going to get your way by criticizing me. Negative reinforcement might work on some people, but if you try it on me, you’re going to get laughed right out of my life. I don’t tolerate blatant insults or backhanded compliments, especially from someone who’s supposed to be my biggest cheerleader. If you don’t have anything nice to say, get out of my life and make room for someone who does.
  9. I’d never try to change you like that. Whether you wear suits or sweatpants every day, I’d never try to change your appearance. I go into relationships accepting that what I see is what I get, so I think it’s fair to expect the same from you. If I end up growing to hate your ridiculous haircut or the way all of your sneakers have holes in them, I know that I either need to learn to get over it or let you find someone who won’t consider your style a dealbreaker.
  10. Take me as I am or leave me alone. I have a pretty strong sense of who I am, and that includes the clothes I wear and the stuff I put on my face. If I’m going to date someone, I don’t want him to tolerate those things about me — I want him to love them. You don’t have to be crazy about my casual approach to my appearance, but if it bothers you that much, I’d rather you leave now than waste your energy trying to change it.
Averi is a word nerd and Brazilian jiu jitsu brown belt. She's also a TEFL/TESOL-certified ESL teacher and an equine enthusiast. Originally from Pennsylvania, she lived in Costa Rica for a while before moving to Australia. In addition to her work as a writer and editor for Bolde, she also has bylines with Little Things and regularly writes for Jiu-Jitsu Times.

You can follow Averi on Instagram @bjjaveri or on Twitter under the same handle.