Everyone longs for closure after a breakup. It’s only natural human instinct to want a finite, meaningful, understandable ending to something major. The problem is that there really isn’t such a thing as closure when your messy emotions are involved! Here’s why you need to just get on with your life already:
It’s not about him anymore.
You have to take care of you. You don’t have to worry about his needs or emotions anymore – he’s out of your life. Whether he ended it or you did, that’s the bottom line. You don’t need some long, drawn-out process where you find some meaning in the end of things. It’s done, and it’s over, and that’s all that matters.
Closure is overrated.
Trying to find closure with someone who’s left you doesn’t make you feel better. It doesn’t help you move on. It keeps your emotions tied up in a place in the past that’s no longer relevant. It keeps you in contact with your ex, which definitely isn’t good for you. You have to stop looking backward and look to the future instead.
You’ll still end up searching for answers.
Closure is annoying because it doesn’t really exist. No matter how many answers you get, you’ll keep looking until you find the one you want to hear — which will never happen, so you’ll be seeking endlessly. Does that sound fun to you? The whole process is usually more hurtful than helpful. The only way to find real closure is to move on.
You can only control your own choices.
It may drive you crazy that he’s done what he has, but you quite honestly can’t do anything about it. You can’t make him feel a certain way or behave a certain way. Even if you could, you shouldn’t. If it’s not coming from a real place within him, it doesn’t matter. You can, however, control the way you react to it. Remember your strength and dignity and stop begging him for answers.
Life is too short to worry about the past.
What’s done is done. You can’t change it, you can’t rewrite it, you can’t forget it. You have no idea how many more days you’ll get on this earth. Don’t waste them pining over someone who isn’t right for you. Say that again to yourself: he isn’t right for you. No matter how much you miss him, there’s a reason this happened. Remember that, lift your head high, and get excited about your beautiful future.
You heal only by looking forward.
It’s best ideally to focus on the present, but sometimes that’s too painful when you’re in the midst of a breakup. Find what you have to look forward to, and if that feels like nothing, create something. It helps so much and also distracts you from fretting over the past obsessively. There’s no point in living with regrets — you can only strive not to make the same mistakes again.
You think it’ll help to communicate with him, but it won’t.
The worst thing you can do is keep in contact with him right after your breakup, but it feels horrible not talking to him. You miss him so much that you think if you just reach out this one time, you’ll feel better. Then you do it again and again and again and you’re hopelessly ensnared in the past. Stop looking to him for answers — he doesn’t want to give them to you. He wants to move on and so should you.
Nothing he tells you will be good for your soul.
It’s true. You loved him, he loved you, and the dissolution of all that history and emotion and connection hurts like hell. Still, searching for answers does you no good. Either he doesn’t want to hurt you so he’s going to lie to you, or he does, so he’ll be awful and harsh. You won’t be satisfied with the results, and you’ll actually be much worse off than if you had just let him go gently and decided not to ask anything at all.
You can’t trust him anymore.
It sucks but it’s the truth. You’re no longer in a realm of trust with him. You can hope that he’s honest with you, but you can’t be sure. Relationships are complicated and breakups even more so. He’s already broken your heart and he doesn’t want to add more hurt on top of that. The best thing you can do for yourself is to stop asking him for answers and get on with your life.
Moving on is something you have to do anyway — begin as soon as you can.
It’s tough to move forward, everyone knows that. Breakups are the absolute worst. It’s annoying when everyone is telling you that you have to let go and move forward, but it’s also true. The sooner you cut all ties, the better. This means you may never know “why” you two aren’t together anymore, but it also means you’ll just stop caring all the sooner.
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