I Don’t Need To Be Fixed, I Need To Be Loved

The pain I’ve experienced in my life isn’t your fault, and the damage it’s caused is not your responsibility to fix. I’m working on it, trust me. The worst reaction you can give me after I’ve opened up to you is pity — like you need to do something to make things right, but it just doesn’t work that way. I don’t need you to fix me, I just need you to love me.

  1. You can never fix another person. The only person you can work on “fixing” is yourself — and even then, it’s a process that’s never going to have a defined endpoint in sight. All we can do is work on ourselves and try to love people better from our own healing. That’s what I’m trying to do. I may have been through more crap than you, but I’m not broken. I’m just trying to make my way through it like anyone else.
  2. I’m never going to be all the way “fixed.”  A healthy relationship is one that understands that, one that can identify human imperfection and accept it. Maybe even embrace it. There will never be a day where I wake up completely “fixed,” because I’m a human being, and we don’t work like that. I’m not a puzzle waiting to be solved, I’m a heart waiting to feel love.
  3. Love is a powerful healer. Experiencing love and being accepted, even in the midst of being broken, is actually the most powerful fixer there is. Joining someone in the middle of their mess, the midst of their humanity and saying, “I see you and I accept you,” is a profound expression of love that can shift our entire experience, even if nothing is fixed. That’s all I need from you.
  4. Just meet me here. There’s not a lot of courage required to diagnose what’s wrong with someone else; it can even be cruel to straight up tell them you’ve figured out their problems and what they need to do to fix them. But it takes true bravery to see me in all my flaws and come to meet me in the middle. I’ll do the same for you if you’ll let me.
  5. I’ll mess up for sure. But so will you. It’s not like the fact that I’ve been hurt deeply means I’m more fallible than you are. Anyone is capable of doing the wrong thing from time to time — I understand that fully. I’d hope you’d do the same.
  6. I’m not a charity case. If you think you’re doing me a favor by being with me in spite of what I’ve been through, don’t. The hurts in my past may have fractured me in places, but I’m actually stronger because of what I’ve had to live through. I don’t need the pity and you don’t need the brownie points.
  7. At the end of the day, love is all anyone needs. Love is the heartbeat of humanity and I need it just as much as the next girl. If you can find a way to love me, all of me, the good and the bad, we might be able to make it. And even if we don’t, I still think love is an adventure worth having.
Becca Rose is a writer with high hopes for her student loan debt. She's a musician and aspiring novelist, but don't ask her to write poetry, because she's terrible at it. She has written for HelloGiggles, The Toast, The Huffington Post, and more. You can find her on Twitter @bookbeaut